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I knew you were a girl.
The day we had the 20-week anatomy scan, I knew you were a girl.
The ultrasound technician didn't tell us anything, because we told her we wanted to be surprised. She even told us to look away while she checked out your private parts. But I knew. Somehow, I knew you were a girl.
And I've got a confession, sweetie.
I cried.
I cried for several days, because I didn't want a girl. I was sure that, if I had a daughter, she'd turn out just like me.
What was I thinking?
You are so much like me it's not even funny. You've given me a detailed view of my strengths and weaknesses. You've required me to figure out some of my own issues, so I can help you with yours. I was absolutely right: Having a daughter meant having a mini-me, and it has been extremely challenging at times.
But the past five years have taught me that having a mini-me is also an amazing blessing. You've taught me so much about faith and life and parenting and the world.
It's crazy.
You push me every. single. day. You require me to practice patience, mercy, grace, faith, hope, and love...and that's usually all before I've served breakfast. ;) You're one of a kind, kid.
Today, on your fifth birthday, there's only one thing I can think to share with you:
I'm doin' my best, kiddo...
...but I'm still flyin' by the seat of my pants.
We're moving, at Mach 10, into completely uncharted territory for me. My degree doesn't cover us once you enter school.
Heck, I think my degree stopped covering us when you started talking.
You are so special, Ruby. Not any more special than anyone else, but special all the same.
Your talents and abilities are already completely evident. Your personality is as clear as the sky on a bright sunny morning.
Confident and outgoing.
Talkative and engaging.
Intelligent and clever.
Ruby, you have never, not ever, met a new person without leaving your own individual mark on them. Teachers remember your name after your first day in class. The librarians remember you from when you were a tiny toddler at storytime. The cashiers at ALDI know your name. The nurses at your doctor's office always have a delighted tenor in their voice when they call out, "Ruby Goodwin!"
Baby Girl, we went to a fifteen minute workshop at COSI earlier this week, and the leader of the workshop remembered your name five hours later when we saw her in the stairwell. She probably led a hundred kids through those workshops that day, and she remembered you.
You are an incredible little girl, Ruby. You're gonna knock Kindergarten outta the park.
And when you're an adult? Look out, World.
I have no idea what you'll be when you grow up, sweetheart. News reporter, ballerina, teacher, Mommy, writer, police woman, bus driver, President... Whatever it is, I know you're going to be great. Really, really great.
I hope that, as you grow, you realize how insanely proud I am to be your momma. And I pray that, one day, you'll be equally proud to be my daughter.
I love you, Ruby. Happy Birthday, Ballerina Princess!
James, the half-brother of Christ who refused to believe. Who mocked and scorned. Who was denied by Christ.
James, the devout Jew. Committed as only one who took the Nazarite vow could've been.
James, the pillar of the early Christian Church. Who penned a letter to the twelve tribes scattered among the nations.
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Beth Moore asked me to consider the fact that we have several details about Jesus' post-resurrection appearances to many people like Mary Magdalene, the disciples, the 500, even Paul. But there are two people who had post-resurrection experiences with Christ, and we have almost no detail whatsoever about their meetings: Peter and James. Men who had denied him. Men that became leaders, pillars even, of the Church.
Could it be that Jesus protected them? Kept the confrontation private? Covered a multitude of sin with love?
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Just a few days later, I'm studying the Jerusalem Council, and I'm considering the fact that Paul, a former persecuter of the early church, has come to Jerusalem to meet with Peter and James and the other apostles. Ruminating over the fact that only the Holy Spirit could usher in the kind of forgiveness it would take to join in ministry with a man who condoned the murder of one of your closest friends, I can't help but notice that James, a very devout Jew (largely believed to have taken the Nazarite Vow), stands up boldly for his Gentile brothers and sisters in Christ.
He strictly states that no Gentile man need be circumsized. However, he hands down four guidelines. Half of the guidelines relate to food. Why? Beth Moore suggests that it was in order to preserve unity at the common table.
This hunch is given strenght in the words of the letter sent back to the Gentiles with Paul and some delegates from the Church of Jerusalem, "We have heard that some went out from us without our authorization and disturbed you, troubling your minds." (Acts 15:24) The Church of Jerusalem not only sends a letter back with Paul, but they send two delegates to bear witness to the authenticity of the letter.
A group of Jews, who just a few years earlier wouldn't have spoken a word to Gentiles, send two of their own men to comfort and settle the minds of their Gentile brothers.
REALLY? Hundreds of years of cultural enmity are overcome by a common faith in Jesus Christ?
I literally wrote, "Wow! Wow! Wow!" in my workbook.
And I end the week of study by reading Ephesians 2:14-18:
- For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, by setting aside in his flesh the law with its commands and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new humanity out of the two, thus making peace, and in one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit.
Do you catch that? Jesus came to reconcile us to each other and then to reconcile us all, as one humanity, to God.
Peace and unity are themes that show up over and over and over again in the lives and teachings of Jesus and his followers.
I have been pondering this miracle for days now, and I am still overwhelmed by the power of the Holy Spirit to bring about these things. This is my spiritual ancestry...men and women who put aside lifetimes of hostility and judgment to stand together and praise the One who lived and died for them.
Amazing.
Now to him who has already done immeasurably more than we could possibly ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen. ~Ephesians 3:20-21, my version
Pastor Stacey told this real story during his sermon this morning:
A young boy grew up in a house where the dinner table was surrounded by one of two things: argumentative yells or silence. He did his best to eat his meal quickly without getting yelled at by his father, then he would excuse himself from the table and dash out the back door. Just a few houses down the street, another family was enjoying their dinner. The young boy would crawl under their porch in order to sit and listen to them laugh and talk...treasuring the sounds of a loving family.
Pastor Stacey went on to challenge us:
Imagine if the father of that loving family came outside and said to the young boy, "Please! Come join us for dinner, come be a part of our family." And a place was made for the young boy at the table. When the young boy spilled a glass of water, the father would erupt...not in anger, but in laughter. "Get him another glass of water and a towel while you're at it." Imagine if the young boy was adopted into the family, blessed by the father, treated as one of their own.
This is what God has done for us.
We live in a broken and critical world. We are often surrounded by angry or sullen people, sometimes forced into silence or loneliness. There are times when we have been the angry, hurtful force in someone else's life.
But God.
He comes and invites us out from under the porch and up to a seat at the table. He adopts us as His own, according to his pleasure and will.
"Change depends on experiencing the character of God."
Have you experienced the incredible love God has for you? Have you let it sink in that God not only wills for you to be his child, but that it is his pleasure to invite you into his family and to accept you as one of his own?
This is incredibly Good News. I was thankful to be reminded of it this morning.
(Just imagine me saying/chanting that title in the spirit of "Weapon of Choice" by FatBoySlim.)
Now, on to the important stuff...and the not-so-important stuff. :) This is shaping up to be one of those rambly, train-of-thought types of posts. I'll try to start with the important things, so I don't lose you too soon. ;)
First up - I've been invited to go on a mission trip to Uruguay in March. In order for me to go, we'd need to have someone who could be responsible for Ruby and Burke the week of March 5 - March 9. (There's a high probability that Mike will be traveling a lot during the first quarter of the year, so we would need someone who would be able to keep Ruby and Burke overnight, if needed.) If you have any suggestions, let us know. (Obviously, we're looking for someone that we know and trust.) I'd really appreciate prayers for guidance about whether to go on the trip or not.
You can also pray specifically for Mike and me as parents. We seem to be dealing with a resurrection of sorts...the resurrection of the Terrible Twos and the Terrifying Threes all combined into some horrifyingly scary edition of the Frightening Fives. You may think I'm exaggerating wtih all the terrible and the terrifying and the scary and the frightening, but y'all. I've been reduced to tears on multiple occasions in the past three weeks. (Honest, gut-wrenching, I'm-failing-as-a-parent tears...) So if you'd pray for me, that'd be great. And parents of children who are five and older, if you've got similar experiences or any advice, bring it on!
In the "pros" column, we are seeing a lot of bright spots in Ruby's development, too. She can now spell and write several words other than her name without any help. She's recognizing a few sight words without prompting. She got a kid's camera for Christmas, and she's got quite an eye for a five year old. :) There are times when she makes incredibly mature decisions, and she's beginning to show a concrete understanding of faith in Jesus Christ.
Being a parent is a rollercoaster of emotions: insanely proud in one moment and crippled with doubt in the next. I wouldn't trade a second.
Burke is turning into quite the little talker. He's constantly making up some sort of pretend circumstances for playtime. He's Perry. Or he's Phineas. Or he's a baby. Or he's a cat who says, "Memow." He uses his blocks to make towers, monster trucks, guns, racetracks, or some other totally boyish contraption. He loves to wrestle and climb. He's been 100% potty-trained for many months now, and he just seems like such a big boy.
And now for the random:
Ruby and Burke get a little stopped up every now and then, if you know what I mean. It happens most often when we go to grandparents' houses...mostly because we're out of the norm and the kids get a lot of snacks that aren't necessarily fiber-filled. ;) Last week, my mom gave Ruby and Burke some "poop candy." Magic words for prunes. She refrigerated them and cut them up into quarters. Call something candy, and my kids are very willing to give it a try. Amazingly, they'll gladly eat two prunes and beg for more, if the prunes are chilled and cut up.
Let me just say that my kids are regular beyond regular now. We had to cut them back from 2 prunes/day to 1.5 prunes/day. They are now down to 1 prune/day in order to ward off panicked cries of, "I've gotta go NOW, Mom!!!" ;) If your kids get stopped up, try some chilled Sunsweet Prunes cut into quarters.
Just be careful if you call them poop candy. Because when you walk by prunes in the grocery store, your kids are very likely to scream at the top of their lungs, "POOP CANDY!!! Mom! Mom! Can we get some more?!?!?" ;)
Lastly, I ate a salad for dinner. I didn't want to, but I did. Baby steps, people. Baby steps.
Goodnight. :)
A little more than two years ago, my brother told me he was opening up a business. He had a vision to provide local area businesses with the signs and products they needed to stand out and leave an impression in the community.
Opening a business had been a dream for my brother since childhood. All of a sudden, the dream became reality.
He wasn't nervous at all, but that was okay, because I was worried enough for everyone involved! ;)
Next month, Eight38 Sign Co. will celebrate it's second anniversary. It has surpassed every single one of Kyle's expectations, and today, it is a successful, thriving business.
I could not be more proud of my brother.
For the past two weeks, I've been privvy to a behind-the-scenes view of the business as the newest part-time employee. And this is what I've got to say:
While I couldn't be any more proud of my brother, I am absolutely astounded when I stop and consider what God has done. :)
Eight38 started with two friends: one to make the signs and one to sell them. Within no time, the amount of work outpaced the number of employees. My sister-in-law joined the team as a graphic designer. Two friends joined the team: one as a part-time production assisstant and one as an office manager. Over the past year, six others have joined the team.
Now, Eight38 Sign Co. is a well-oiled machine, and it is really, really cool to watch them work. Each and every one of the key players are absolutely phenomenal. You can say I'm biased and all, but these people are really, really, really great at what they do.
Eight38's list of clients is already over 600 clients strong. That's more than one new client for every day the business has been open.
It is just incredible to stand still and look around at what God has built.
I'm so thankful. :)
Kyle,
Goodness, I'm just typing these words, and I'm crying. I am so incredibly proud of you, Bubba. The team you have allowed God to put together is mind-blowing. I love watching you all work together, laugh together, make decisions together.
You and your team consistently put out work that looks like it's been done by one of the best design firms in the nation. You and your team drive boring old pick-up trucks into that little garage of yours and when the trucks come back out again...
Well, they look like this:
Not to mention what you've done with my favorite piece of real estate in all of Lafayette:
Not a single day goes by that I don't see at least one piece of your work around town. (And I'm not including the times I intentionally drive by your business just to see your trucks, smile to myself, thank God for you, and pray for you.)
I'm just incredibly proud of you, and I wanted to take some time to let you know that. I don't think I tell you enough.
I love you, Bub. I love you a lot. :)
Always,
~MeSpeak now, speak loud
Erasing every fear, every doubtI wrote those few lyrics in my journal over a year ago, and I find myself begging these words over and over again. So it's a mystery to me when God speaks as loudly and as clearly as one could hope, and I still tremble in fear and doubt...reduced to tears at the thought of total submission and obedience.
Do you struggle to be obedient, even though you know (intellectually) that God's got your back? Is there a call on your life that scares the ever-living daylights out of you?
I'll pray for you. I know exactly how it feels, and I would love to join your team and cheer you towards obedience in the face of fear and doubt. All I ask is that you'll return the favor. Will you help me compile a list of scriptures that encourage us to be courageous and obedient?
I'll start:
1 Corinthians 4:1-9
"I always thank my God for you because of his grace given you in Jesus Christ. For in him you have been enriched in every way - with all kinds of speech and with all knowledge - God thus confirming our testimony about Christ among you. Therefore you do not lack any spiritual gift as you eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed. He will also keep you firm to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is faithful, who has called you into fellowship with His Son, Jesus Christ Our Lord." (NIV, emphasis added is mine)
I hope you have a bold and courageous week of obedience, friends.
Facebook lists my occupation (or lack thereof), my interests, and it boasts my friend count.
Twitter gives me 140 characters, and it shows off my followers.
Google Analytics tells me how many people visit this blog, how long they stay here, and which posts they read the most.
Feedburner tells me how many people subscribe to this blog and encourages me to put up a public ticker to boast about that number.
That's just online.
My driver's license lists my age, my height, my weight, and whether or not I'm willing to donate my organs to someone else.
My resume boasts my former positions with various companies and organizations, as well as the skills that I believe are profitable.
When I meet someone for the first time, their first question after learning my name is usually, "So, what do you do?"
The pull to find worth and value in these statistics is fierce.
In 2011, I attempted several things. I failed at nearly all of them. It's hard to remember that I'm still valuable. It's even harder to try to figure out why I'm valuable.
I'm not there yet. I haven't figured it out yet.
But I know that God says I have worth, so I believe it. And posts like this help me get closer to viewing myself the way He views me. That's a good thing.
I spent the majority of 2011 looking forward to what was to come. Dream Year and Little Lights and Teaching and... Oh, whatever else was around the corner at one point or another. It was interesting. I learned a lot. And I'm not finished, either.
But I'm taking a different approach this year.
I started thinking about it a couple of months ago. As much as I try to savor the moment, I often find myself looking forward to what's next. Sometimes I get so busy looking at tomorrow that I forget to enjoy today. Sometimes I get so excited about what I'm getting next that I forget to be thankful for what I've already been given.
It really hit me when I was studying Ephesians 3. Paul spends the first two chapters of Ephesians explaining and praising the incredible blessings made possible through Jesus Christ. Then, in chapter three, he continues to explain how these blessings, once thought to be restricted to Jews alone, have been given to Gentiles, as well. He ends chapter 3 by saying,
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus, throughout all generations forever and ever. Amen!"
This has been one of my favorite verses for a long time...more than ten years...and always tinged with the hope of what's to come. "Yes! To him who is able to do more than I can even ask or imagine...and I can ask for a lot, I can imagine incredible things! Let's watch Him go to work!"
Oh, how greedy and ungrateful I've been...
Paul spends three chapters saying, "God has been so good! He's paid our debt. He's given us access to Him. He's honored us by sending his own son to pave the way, to make it possible! Oh, and it's available to EVERYONE!"
He finishes it up by saying, "Oh, praise God who is able (read: has already accomplished) more than we can ask or imagine!"
This year, I'm making it my aim to approach life with an attitude full of thanks and gratitude. Taking the time to realize all that God has already done in my life, all He's already given me. Choosing to be grateful and give thanks for those things, instead of looking around the corner at what might (or might not) be next.
My One Word for 2012 is Gratitude. Do you have a word or a goal for the new year? Share it with us!
No resolutions. No great commitments. Just one word this year.
And that word is Gratitude.
I've got so much to say about this word and why I've chose to dedicate this year to Gratitude. I'll be sharing those posts throughout the remainder of this first week of the year.
In the meantime, why don't you head over and join One Word, too?
They use one of his old burp cloths as a dish rag.
They keep her Barbies packed in the same cooler so she knows exactly where to find them when she visits.
Sometimes we find two trees when we arrive. Other times, just one.
Maybe lighted garland is strung around the door frames, maybe not.
Either way, love floods out the door as soon as we open it...covering us in comfort and joy.
This year was one of my favorites...if not my favorite...and it's not even finished.
I have no idea what's made it so special.
Maybe it was helping Ruby feed and diaper Clara and Rose (Ruby's new Baby Alive dolls). Or maybe it was watching Burke fly to the moon in his 5' long cardboard color-your-own rocketship.
It could have been watching Burke sing "Getchie Getchie Goo" into his new Perry Karaoke or looking through the pictures Ruby has taken with her very own pink camera.
It might have been finding and placing the 1,000th piece of the puzzle at 2:00 a.m. on Christmas morning with Mike and Kevin. Or laughing hysterically about The Game of Things.
Hugging my mom or smiling at my brother across the lunch table. Loving on my children or kissing my husband. Laughter at a movie or a game of Farkle.
All of these things were wonderful...
But I think the most wonderful part of this Christmas was reading about Joseph with Ruby and getting overwhelmed by his faith, and lighting my candle and singing about that very holy, silent night, and singing with my husband and an old friend about a precious child. It was the way Christ and His Love permeated nearly every moment of this holiday for me.
I saw Him in my children's joy and my mother's love. I felt Him in my father's hug and my husband's kiss. I heard Him in my brother's laughter and my sister's giggles.
This Christmas, I thought of the Christ child more than ever before, and the deep, abiding joy I found certainly made this the most wonderful time of the year.
I hope you've had a wonderful Christmas, as well. What was your favorite part?
Do you like us? Well? Do ya? Do ya?
Love Mercy
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