not to us

When the Compassion Bloggers went to Uganda in February of 2008, I didn't even know about them.

Then, I got put on bedrest in June of 2008, and someone told me to read the BooMama blog to pass the time.  She had been a blogger on the Uganda trip.  When she started to promote the second CB trip to the Dominican Republic, I was incredibly interested.  I followed the bloggers as they witnessed Compassion's work in one of the poorest countries in the world.  I was hooked.

And then...and THEN...they went to India.  I had recently seen Slumdog Millionaire, and my heart was in pieces.  I wanted to go.  I submitted myself as a possible Compassion Blogger.  Obviously, I didn't go.

When they announced that they were headed to El Salvador, I still wanted to go.

I wanted to go.  I wanted so badly to go.  I wanted to see the work of Compassion International firsthand.  I wanted to take pictures and tell you all stories that would compel your hearts to help release children from poverty.  I was just sure that, if I could be there, I could write the words that would help fight poverty.  At the time, there were nearly 1,000 people reading this blog.  I was positive that I could convince at least 100 people to spare $400/year to save a child's life and show them the love of Jesus Christ.

I was wrong. I was so wrong.

MckMama is a very popular blogger, and she is currently in Kenya with Compassion Bloggers.  She has a community on her website with over 7,000 members.  She routinely gets hundreds of comments on her blog posts.  She has been in Kenya for several days, writing about poverty and God's love and her own experiences.  She has been posting heart-wrenching pictures of children who need to know they are valued by God and valued by others.   And...she's doing something that I've never seen a Compassion Blogger do before.  She's keeping track of how many people become Compassion Sponsors because of her blog and making it public.  The current tally sits at 158.

158 out of at least 7,000.  Praise God for the 158.  But really...only 158? 

How silly of my to think that I could write words that would persuade people to act.  How silly of me to think that seeing Compassion's work would make me any more passionate about it.  How foolish to want to visit these kids, when I can do just as much good by linking to the bloggers who are already on site.

If Shaun's parable doesn't strike a chord with you...

If Keely's photos don't grab your heart...

If LV's vulnerable honesty doesn't catch in your throat...

If Kristen's future doesn't make you wanna high-five God...

If these things and all the others don't make an impact on you, then there's nothing additional I can offer.  Even if I were bringing you real-time videos and photos of me with beautiful children who need love, it would be pointless.

We know there is a need.  We already know that.  And, in the deepest parts of our hearts, we know there's something we can do about it.  We don't need beautiful photos and emotional posts to remind us that we have the power and ability to change this.  It's simply a matter of whether we will hear God's request and answer or whether we will hear God's request and pretend we didn't.

 ^37-40"Then those 'sheep' are going to say, 'Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?' Then the King will say, 'I'm telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.' (Matthew 25:39-40, The Message)

I'm not asking you to commit to a sponsorship right now.  Sponsorship is serious.  It should be a long-term commitment, until the child graduates from the program.  It should be an interactive relationship, with letters exchanged and photos sent.  Don't do it lightly. 

But do something.  Anything.  Give a small one-time gift to Compassion.  Donate a one-time gift to the American Red Cross.  Sacrifice one meal at a restaurant to give a person clean drinking water for 20 years.  ($20 will do it.  No joke.) 

Or get dangerous: Find your local food shelter and volunteer for a day.  Spend a day at your local crisis pregnancy center comforting women who are panicked and lonely.  The next time you're walking downtown or at the park, look for the ignored and pay them some attention.

Honestly, I have nothing to gain from this.  I don't know why I feel compelled to put this in front of you time and time again...other than the fact that I know I can't turn away.  And I know I can't do it all alone.  This is part of what we're made for: to let other people know that they are loved and they are valuable.  To be the example of Jesus Christ in their life.  He hasn't left us hungry, thirsty, sick, and afraid, and we can't leave them.

Will you do something?  If you're already doing something, will you spend some time praying about how you can do more?  We can't change the world overnight, but we sure can change one life at a time.

I love you.  I'm so incredibly, over-abundantly blessed to have you in my life.  I just want to share you with others who need you, too.  Thanks for letting me put this in front of you.  I hope it makes you think.  I hope it makes me think.  And I really hope it makes us act.

Oh my!

Ruby is in a bad habit of whining.  It's the age, I get it.  But I hope it stops soon, or I'm gonna lose it.

And Burke?  Just started this super irritating screaming/screeching thing.  I know that it's caused by his speech delay.  He is comprehending a lot.  He follows complex multiple-step commands, and he responds to complex communication.  However, he can't articulate his wants and needs.  Plus, on an unrelated note, he really hates hearing the word no (this is just the age).  So, anytime he's told no, he yells at me.

And here's where we come to the crying...

This morning the kids were up at 7:20.  By 7:30, I had been whined to and screamed at more than any person deserves.  Especially a person who hasn't even taken the time to empty her own over-filled bladder and is scurrying around the kitchen to get the milk poured and waffles toasted as quickly as humanly possible.  Not to mention, this person is still trying to claw her way back from a missed night of sleep (spent in the ER) and a busy day (that included a three hour trip to a dr's office with no toys.)  I'll admit: my patience at this point is non-existent. 

So, what do I do?  I turn around and look at my husband (who is totally innocent and has been doing nothing but trying to help placate the little monsters) and I say (in a very unkind and reprehensible tone), "Now you see why I want to go back to school and get out of here??  They haven't even been awake ten minutes, and I'm ready to hand them over to someone else!"

The shell-shocked look on his face is enough to bring me back to reality.  I shut my troublesome mouth and hand the kids their breakfast.  He heads out for work, and I finally go empty my bladder.  I'm already planning the wording of my apology e-mail when I look out the window and see that he's still at home, cleaning the frost off his windows.  My heart jumps, and I run outside to him.

"I'm so sorry I passed their whining and crying on to you.  I love you.  I hope you have a good day."  A kiss.  A hug.  And off he goes for ten hours before I can show him how truly sorry I am.

Meanwhile, the children aren't ready to apologize yet.  For the next half-hour, Burke screeches at me.  First, because I won't share anymore of my cereal with him.  (He's already eaten two waffles, a cup of yogurt, and half my cereal.)  Then, because I won't let him climb on the coffee table.  And, finally, because I tell him, "No, no!" when he's banging on the brand-new stair gate.

And that's when I cry the first time.  With tears streaming down my face, I carry him up to bed, sing him a song, tell him I love him, and put him back to bed.

When I come downstairs, Ruby wants a dance party.  I turn on her music, and she complains that she wants a video, too.  I turn on the camera, and, for some reason, it's not good enough.  Seriously, I can't figure out what else she wants, but she just sulks around whining unintelligible words and randomly yelling a random sentiment at me.

And then I cry again.  And I carry her up to bed, sing her a song, tell her I love her, and walk away.

Sometimes, being a mommy is a sucky job.  Sure, it's also got better highs than any other job in the world.  But today?  It's pretty low.

Love does. 

Love is not passive.  Love is not an accident.  Love is something we choose to do, choose to feel.

Many children in Kenya are desperate for love.  In a life of severe poverty, love can become overshadowed.  Compassion International has answered the challenge to let love shine in the face of poverty.  Each day, Compassion partners with local churches in Kenya to protect young children from starvation and the adverse effects of poverty.  Each day Compassion instills trust in these young souls, promising to be there for the long haul.  (They've already been an active part of the community for thirty years.)  Compassion brings the hope of Jesus into these kids' lives.  And Compassion?  Never stops.  They are dedicated to these children and their families.  They are committed to releasing children from poverty in the name of Jesus Christ.

Compassion International relies on individual sponsors supporting children in the program.  A single contribution of $38.00 will sustain a child for one month, providing adequate nutrition, education, and life skill training.  (One of the great facts about Compassion International is that over 80% of your contribution goes directly to your child.  8% goes to administrative costs and 8% goes to fundraising.)

Compassion is sending a team of bloggers to Kenya this week to document Compassion's work in the country.  You can follow them at http://www.compassionbloggers.com/kenya or you can simply click the button on the sidebar.  If this is something that connects with you, please keep the Compassion bloggers in  your prayers this week and consider joining with Compassion International to make a dent in world hunger.

Thank you!  :)

Hello!  My name is Lindsay, and I am a GREAT mom.  :)  I mean it.  I love my kids with all of my heart.  I would sacrifice anything (and everything) to give them the healthiest and most positive start in life.  I hug them and kiss them at least once an hour.  I tell them how much I love them multiple times a day.  I make sure they have three satisfying meals each day.  I read them books.  I play hide and seek.  I feed their baby dolls, build their block towers, and help them cook in their play kitchen.  I make them laugh.  I soothe their tears.  I clean their bottoms and brush their hair.

I am an excellent mother.  :)

I will continue to be an excellent mother for the rest of my life because of two facts:  I love my children, and I desire the best for them. 

But that doesn't mean I'm a good stay-at-home mom.

And here's where I'm about to draw a whole bunch of fire, I'm sure.

They are not my first priority.

They are not even my second priority.

They are third.

My first priority is to God.

My second priority is to my husband.  Without him, my children would not be here.  Without him, we would not have a full and happy home.  Without him, I would be discouraged, lost, and unsupported.  He is vital to our home.  He is vital to their happiness and fulfillment.  He is vital.  And so, my second priority, after obeying and glorifying God, is to love my husband...fully and without reservation. 

Which happens to be part of obeying God (my first priority):

 ^22-24Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.

 ^25-28Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor—since they're already "one" in marriage. (Ephesians 5:22-28, The Message)

And my children.  They mean the world to me.  I want the best for them.  And I know that, in certain circumstances, I am not the best for them.  Being a stay at home mom is not a commandment from God.  I dare you to find it anywhere in the Bible.  We are absolutely called to love our children and train them and teach them.  But being a SAHM is not the only way to do that.  And, for some people, it's not the best way to do that.  Some women are better suited to be working moms.  And that doesn't make them (me) any less important or any less valuable or any less effective as a godly mother.

Instead of finding a commandment to stay home with my children, I find commandments like these:

 ^1-3 Children, do what your parents tell you. This is only right. "Honor your father and mother" is the first commandment that has a promise attached to it, namely, "so you will live well and have a long life." ⁴Fathers, don't exasperate your children by coming down hard on them. Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master. (Ephesians 6:1-4, The Message)

I cannot imagine how much I exasperate Ruby right now.  I have high expectations for her.  Some of my expectations are probably too high for her age.  She's three...even if she talks like a five year old.  It's hard for me to remember that.  She's got some bad habits that I simply cannot stand.  The worst part?  She's learned them all from me!  Plus, she's a *social* kid.  Really social.  Everyday, she wakes up and says, "Who are we going to play with today?"  Unfortunately, the life of a stay-at-home child can be fairly lonely.

I don't know that I exasperate Burke yet.  However, I firmly believe that he needs more input.  He needs more books read to him and even more emphasis placed on language development.  He needs a place where he can climb and crawl on soft climbing pads.  He needs to interact with other kids his own age and witness them talking and using their words.

I know that preschool/daycare would be a huge benefit for my children at this stage in their lives.  Preschool/Daycare settings provide opportunities and experiences that I simply cannot provide here at home.  (Hello!  I believe in structured professional Early Childhood Education!  I spent four years getting educated in the field!!)  :)  I believe that a preschool/daycare setting is a tool that a parent can use to supplement their "training" regimen.  It is by no means a replacement.  (This could be a completely different blog post...and possibly will be.)

But on to even more important things:

 ^18-20Jesus, undeterred, went right ahead and gave his charge: "God authorized and commanded me to commission you: Go out and train everyone you meet, far and near, in this way of life, marking them by baptism in the threefold name: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Then instruct them in the practice of all I have commanded you. I'll be with you as you do this, day after day after day, right up to the end of the age." (Matthew 28:18-20, The Message)

We are not only commanded to train up our children.  We are commanded to "go out" and "train everyone [we] meet."  This is where I fail the worst as a SAHM.  We go out sometimes, but we only go out to friends' houses...Christian friends.  When I look at my life and my children's lives, I realized that our sphere of impact is very, very, very small.  We are not reaching people with the love of Christ, because everyone within our reach already knows the love of Christ.  Unacceptable!

Certainly, there are ways to reach the community with the love of Christ while being a SAHM.  I know several women who do it and do it well.  I am not one of those women, though.  I don't have the motivation to go get plugged into random parts of the community.  And I know that motivation will not magically appear.

This is one of the main reasons that my children will go to public school.  There are children and families in this community who need to know there's a God who loves them and offers hope.  If my children are holed up in our house or a Christian-based homeschool cooperative or a Christian private school every day of the week, then how will our light shine?  Where will we make an impact?  Will I be motivated enough to seek out opportunities to reach out?  Probably not.  I know this about myself and my personality.

Instead, I will put my children in an automatic setting where they will be in constant contact with people who don't know the love of Jesus Christ.  I will be involved with my children's school.  I hope to have a home that's really fun during the after school hours.  Good snacks and fun activities.  :)  I hope their friends will come here and feel a love that they can't describe...a love that will lead them to Christ.

That's the future, of course.  It has very little bearing on the present, aside from the fact that we're often holed up at home or a Christian friend's house...making very little difference in the community around us.  And that's not okay.

And, finally, Christ says this:

 ^28-30Jesus replied, "Yes, you have followed me. In the re-creation of the world, when the Son of Man will rule gloriously, you who have followed me will also rule, starting with the twelve tribes of Israel. And not only you, but anyone who sacrifices home, family, fields—whatever—because of me will get it all back a hundred times over, not to mention the considerable bonus of eternal life. This is the Great Reversal: many of the first ending up last, and the last first." (Matthew 19:28-30, The Message)

Jesus Christ himself said that some people will be called away from their family in order to follow him.  I believe he's actually talking about people choosing to follow Christ over pleasing their non-believing families.  He's using the extreme example.  Turning away from the family is not a pre-requisite of following Christ.  It goes against many of his other commandments.  It's simply a reminder that following Christ, fulfilling his commandments, is more important than pleasing our families.  I'm glad that they can also be done simultaneously.  :)

For me, personally, I know (know, know, know, know, know) that I am called to do something in addition to being a wife and mother.  I think I know the specifics of that calling, but I'm not quite ready to share that in this forum.  Mike and I are still praying about and discussing the specifics.  However, I know that I am called outside of this house.  Called by God.  To be outside of this house.

I believe that God will provide for this calling.  I believe that he will protect my children while they are under someone else's care.  I believe that he will help me continue to nurture and guide my children and be their mother...even while I pursue his calling outside of the home.  I believe that God loves my children, and, therefore, would not call me to something that would be detrimental for them.  :)

My mom worked outside of the home.  And I thank God everyday that she did.  She would have driven us nuts with her detailed plans and schemes.  And we would have driven her nuts with our lack-luster enthusiasm for such plans.  :)  Instead, she spent 40 hours of her week impacting the healthcare community.  She was a dedicated worker who embodied Colossians 3:23-24.  She met coworkers, patients, and providers who saw a difference in her.  She has been able to love other people with the love of Christ...because she was at work...where they were...not at home...where they were not.  And every morning and evening?  I got to benefit from her love.  And every weekend?  I got to benefit from her love.  And even during those 40 hours?  I always, always knew that I came before work.  No question.  If I was sick, hurting, or needing her in any way, then she was there...no questions asked.  My mom was able to show me the love of Christ and train me up in the way I should go...even while she worked out of the home.  She's proof that some godly women are called to work outside the home.

I have been called outside of this home.  And that makes me a really horrible stay-at-home mom.  Staying at home would be disobedient, and it would fail, because I would be doing it all out of my own strength.  Instead, I desire obedience.  I desire to be right where God is.  And for me, at this time, I know that he's asking me to come meet him and work with him out there.  So I'm getting really antsy to go!  Now!  Which makes staying home even more challenging.

But I won't rush.  I will exercise patience.  And I can't wait to see how it all turns out.  :)