Blog
-
Today: 5 Me: 0
I feel like i'm fighting a losing battle today! It started last night when Ruby proclaimed that she didn't want to go to the doctor today, because she was afraid of getting a shot. She woke up this morning and hadn't forgotten. in fact, this was her first sentence:
"Mamasita, I'm awake! And I DO NOT want to go to the doctor. Thane tsu." (That's the best way I can think of to phonetically describe how she says Thank You. How I hope she will always say Thank you. It's so cute.)
Isn't that nice how she used her manners to tell me that I had one heck of a battle ahead of me?
And I do mean one heck of a battle.
I had to battle with her every step of the way...getting her clothes on, getting her to eat breakfast, getting her coat on and putting her in the car. Carrying her (kicking and screaming) into the dr's office. I knew she had to get at least one shot today, so I was honest with her. I didn't want to mislead her. I'm still fairly certain it was the right decision...but it sure was a lot of work.
Getting her to the doctor's office was nothing compared to actually getting her through the doctor's appointment. By the way, she's 36.5 inches tall (50%) and 33 lbs. even (75%). She's got great blood pressure (duh, she's 3), and she's (now) fully up-to-date on her vaccines. She's on-track developmentally, and we're going to start teaching her how to get dressed by herself. :) We're also going to start working on drawing shapes and maybe letters. :) I think she'll really enjoy that!
Burke's exam went much smoother. Unfortunately, he had to get three shots, compared to Ruby's two. I hate, hate, hate watching him get shots. There's no way to warn or prepare him. And it just seems so cruel. On a positive note, he didn't pass out. ;) He also had to get some bloodwork, and I'm pretty sure he's going to have a massive bruise on his arm. The phlebotomist must have gotten confused: She was supposed to be drawing blood, not digging for gold.
He's 28.5 inches long (below the charts) and 22 lbs. 6 oz. (25%) with a head that's 48.5 inches in circumfrence (75%). He's a bit lopsided. LOL! (Just imagine how short he'd be if he had a normal sized head! LOL!) Anyway, he's basically on track developmentally, but he's even further delayed in speech. (Still no real words. We've heard a couple of words (we think) a couple of times, but nothing intelligible on a consistent basis.) He's got a follow-up EEG and neurology appointment next week. Once those are completed, we'll reschedule his surgery for ear tubes. Oh yeah...he's got a raging infection in his right ear again. (Surprised? Of course not!) :)
So, once we finished with the doctor's appointments, they were both in quite bad moods. We had several errands that needed running today. We stopped by Griffin to get some paperwork from Daddy. We stopped by the bank to get more paperwork. We ran by the insurance company to drop off paperwork. Then? We headed to the grocery store. There's a meat sale at Marsh and Payless again. $1.67 (Marsh) or $1.47 (Payless) per pound of ground beef. What a steal! Anyway, I definitely wanted to get some today, before the snow gets any worse.
Oh yeah, the snow. It is COLD outside. And wet. And that's not good if you're wearing flip-flops. (Because you had to throw out your tennis shoes when they became unbearably stinky and you still haven't replaced them.)
Anyway, I think Marsh got a bad batch of plastic bags. I've *never* had a bag break from there before, but THREE of my bags broke on the way out to the car today. AND, while I stopped to pick up one of the bags, an older lady pulled out of her parking spot and ran into our cart. The cart that the kids were sitting in. A plastic little car enclosure. I nearly had a heart attack. Here I am, in my flip flops, in the cold, wet parking lot, picking up my groceries which have busted out of their bag, and someone tries to run over my babies. I started screaming and pounding on the woman's trunk. Thankfully, she wasn't going fast enough to do any damage, but I was a nervous wreck.
Once I got us and the groceries packed into the car, I started crying. I was so entirely worn out...from everything.
And I wanted a Coke. And a hamburger. And french fries.
So I got them. And I got the kids' lunches, too.
And we came home. I fed them, unpacked the groceries, and got them down for naps. And remembered that, while at Marsh, I forgot to pick up Burke's prescription.
Fail.
I contemplated going upstairs to take a nice, warm bath with some hot tea. Or crawling into bed and going to sleep.
Instead, I started some laundry, divied up the ten pounds of ground beef I had purchased and got them in the freezer, and took out the trash. The living room and dining room still need to be picked up, and the kitchen could use a bit of attention, as well. However, in the name of sanity, I'm choosing to sit down, relax, and decompress. I'll get to work in about half an hour.
How about you? How's your day going?
-
Hey there, little girl!
It's your birthday today. You don't know it yet, but the vast majority of your requests will be granted today...especially since you're still a little sick. So far, you haven't been hard to please. You woke up and called out, "Mamasita! I'm awake!" Daddy taught you that little ditty a few days ago, and you think it's very entertaining. :) I'll admit: We do, too.
You had a very lack-luster breakfast (by request): white milk, waffle, yogurt. Like I said, you're still a little sick, and it shows in your lack of imagination for breakfast food.
Now, you're sitting next to me watching "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs." Since Burke is happy walking circles around the living room, I figured I'd take the chance to write your birthday letter. On your actual birth day, Daddy recorded his thoughts. On your first birthday, we had a big party, and Daddy made a cool video. Then last year, on your second birthday, I wrote you a letter. I think it'll be a nice tradition for us to keep up.
This year you have grown up so much. You stopped wearing diapers during the day several months ago, and you're this.close to being diaper-less at night. You have grown out of your 2T clothes, and you're now sporting some very cute 3T duds. You've also got a new haircut. The general concesus is that it's very cute, and it fits you well. :)
You're still as talkative as ever. You've learned several new phrases that you enjoy using on a regular basis. Some are cute like "I couldn't believe my eyes!" Others are a little obnoxious like "Now my life is OVER!" You speak a lot like your mommy, very passionately with several adjectives sprinkled in here and there. You also like to sing...you know *a lot* of the lyrics to the songs on the radio. You like for mommy to sing the silly ABCs (the Spanish version.) And you've recently started asking me to sing along with the radio in the car. You say that it "rewaxes" you. I'm fairly certain you mean relax, since you don't have any unruly body hair at this point. ;)
You love going to "class" at ROCKS and MOPS. In the past few weeks, you've really been grasping your lessons and doing your best to make them a part of your life. It's interesting to see. Several weeks ago, you memorized a verse from "Thirst Fessalonians." It said, "Be joyful always." Now, everytime you're throwing a fit, you say, "I am not joyful right now." Daddy and I have tried to explain that joy has very little to do with your circumstances, but I think that's just a little too deep for now. :) Instead, we're trying to emphasize that you can choose joy in the face of opposition.
This growing up thing is hard. We know. But you're doing a great job. We couldn't be any more proud of you. We love your smile, your laugh, your heart, your intellect, your humor, and your "zest". We wouldn't change anything about you. You're certainly perfectly and wonderfully made.
Happy Birthday, sweetheart!
~MommyDear God,
Thank you for Ruby. Thank you for all that you've done in her short life. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be her mom.
I pray that you'll lead us through our years together. Teach me how to be the mother you've designed me to be. Show me how to love her like you love her. Keep my eyes open and my heart sensitive. Remind me, daily, that I'm a testament of faith. Remind me of her watchful and perceptive eyes. Help me to be the best witness I can be.
I pray that you'll be speaking to Ruby's heart. Show her how much you love her. Teach her how to love you back. Protect her innocence and purity.
Be glorified in our relationship, God.
Amen.
-
This morning, I got a few quiet moments with Burke. During my shower, he had screamed and cried...non-stop. When I got out, he was exhausted from his fit. Since he's a little sick, I snuggled him up into my arms to comfort him. Within five minutes, he was sleeping soundly in my arms.
As I rocked back and forth, I enjoyed the silence. Knowing that precious time was burning off the clock, I made an intentional choice to cherish the quiet moments with my little boy instead of worrying about the day ahead.
He looks like a completely different person when he's asleep. So peaceful and angelic. So still. His little body fits perfectly into the crook of my arm. His beautiful head seems like it was shaped for the nook between my neck and shoulder. His chubby feet nestle comfortably on my thighs. This is where he belongs.
It's where I belong, too.
I had no idea what the day was bound to bring. Ruby woke up sick. The appliance delivery got pushed back to naptime. We needed to pick up a few more groceries. I had to find a substitute teacher for my ROCKS class. Lots of dishes needed special attention. The house needs to be cleaned for this weekend.
There haven't been any quiet moments since 7:45 this morning. But those few quiet moments that I chose to enjoy this morning? They have carried me through the rest of the day. Those sweet little cuddles reminded me that Motherhood is worth getting puked on. Those silent moments have calmed me during the otherwise hectic phases of my day.
I wonder what a few more quiet moments would accomplish. With my son or daughter. With my husband. With those I love.
With my God. So often, I rush through my time with Him. I invite him along on my hectic day, forgetting that he offers peace.
This morning, I cuddled with my son, and it changed my outlook. Tomorrow, I plan to cuddle with my Father. I have a feeling my outlook will continue to evolve...significantly.
And I can't wait. :)
-
Hey everyone,
My laptop died, so my access to the internet has been diminished. For the time being, I'm enjoying that fact! :) We've been busy getting the old house ready for a new occupant, and that included moving all of the odds and ends out of the old house. We've got everything at the new house, and now it's a matter of getting it all put away...
This week is going to be busy for us. We've got several playdates lined up, and Thursday is a very special day.
Miss Ruby Elizabeth is turning 3 years old! :) I honestly can't believe it. Just the past couple of days, she has already seemed to grow up a little bit. Fewer tantrums, more obedience... Hopefully the 3s won't be as bad as some have warned. For her birthday, we're going to move Ruby into her big-girl bed and big-girl bedroom. She seems pretty excited, and I don't blame her. :) She gets to go to Chuck E Cheese for lunch on Saturday, but she doesn't know that yet. I think she'll love it. :)
The Burke-meister is walking now. Full-fledged. In fact, the only time he crawls is to get over to something to help him stand up. He can't quite stand up without assistance yet. He can bend down and pick a toy up, though.
It's really just business as usual around here for the time being. If anything exciting happens, I'll be sure to let you know! :)
I hope you've all had a wonderful start to the new year!
-
I have not written here awhile. I've done some work on the site, but it's all just been "back end" stuff to help it run smoother. As I was working on the site tonight I came across the post that I wrote about Ruby's birth story. While I enjoy that story immensely, it also made me realize that I haven't really written much about Burke. So here it goes...
I absolutely love being a father. I loved (and still love) being a father to my little girl. It's cool to be an example of godly love to her and to provide a positive masculine influence in her life. So, I do not want to diminish Ruby's importance in my life...
However, there is something really awesome about being a father to a little boy:
Every time I look into those blue eyes I think of his future. I think of him learning how to talk. how to run. how to sing. how to dance. how to play sports. how to be fix things. how to drive. how to love God. how to be a man. I think about how he will look to me as his father for guidance, teaching, discipline, love and more...and it overwhelms me. I want to be the best possible role model for him. I don't want him to have to look to the world or other families for an example.
I want him to confide in me. When he struggles with how to be a godly man, I want him to feel comfortable coming to me. And I want to be able to provide godly advice. When he is trying to decide where to go to school, what job to take, who to marry, etc. I want to provide the wisdom that helps him find the right path.
The miraculous nature of his very existence amplifies the responsibility that I feel to raise him right. There is no earthly reason that my son should be here. By all accounts he should have passed away weeks after Lindsay's water broke. Yet God chose to pull him through impossible odds and blessed us with our second child. As such, I feel that there's a HUGE purpose for Burke's life, and I don't want to do anything to screw it up!
There are times where I take Burke's life for granted. I forget that he shouldn't be here. I forget the amazing power that God demonstrated through his birth. Then, every once in awhile, the magnitude of it all hits me like a ton of bricks. I can't help but cry and say a prayer of thankfulness. I pray that God will use Burke's life as a shining example of His presence. I pray that He will help me guide Burke to whatever place He desires. I basically pray that I do not get in the way.
Burke...there is an inexplicable bond between us. My heart melts every time I hear you laugh and sing or see you take a step. I hope that our relationship continues to strengthen as you grow up. I hope that we have many fun times doing "guy" things...playing sports, fixing computers, camping, being wannabe "handymen", workdays at church, attending sporting events, fishing and more. Above all else I hope that you become a man that loves God and lives for Him.
I love you little man!
-
We walked into the radiology department, and it started to sink in:
"Today I could learn that something is terribly wrong with him."
The radiology techs asked me if he'd had a chest x-ray before.
"Sure. I think he's had four or five." I told them that he does best in the little bicycle seat thingy with his arms up around his head, enclosed in a plastic case.
By "best," I mean that's the only way to keep him still for an x-ray.
They ask me why he has to have a chest x-ray, and I tell them that he passes out a lot.
By "a lot," I mean he passes out an average of 4 times/week.
They ask, "Does he lose consciousness?"
I answer, "Yes. He goes completely unconscious, and he's cyanotic...not just around his mouth but even in his hands and feet. A month ago, he had a grand mal seizure after one of his spells."
They stare.
"You're so calm! I have an eight month old, and that sounds terrifying!"
I pause.
"Well, he's not supposed to be alive, so I guess this feels like small potatoes."
And I tell his story.
I tell them how his protective bag of waters ruptured 23 weeks early, leaving him completely vulnerable to the world outside. I tell them how we were given less than .1% odds for his chance at life outside the womb. I tell them how I laid in bed for three-and-a-half months.
I tell them how I went into labor at 24 weeks, and we thought it was over. I tell them that, at 32 weeks, we discovered that his heart was barely beating and that it was beating extremely irregularly...how he was delivered less than an hour later by a cesarean section that lasted less than 60 seconds.
I look at them, and I say, "He shouldn't be here. God has given me 15 months with this incredible little boy that I was never supposed to have. He's given me the joys of watching him smile, hearing him laugh, and holding him tight...joys that I don't deserve. If God decides that this is all I get, then I will choose to be thankful for what I've been given."
And then I cry. It hits me. I mean it. It's not rhetoric. It's not lovely words. It's my life. It's my faith. I mean it with all my heart.
I trust God. Wholly. Completely. Without Limit.
Then, they cry. They tell me that these few minutes have changed the way they look at life.
And I walk out. Stunned.
Why does God use me? Why does he think I'm worthy of sharing the hope that comes from trusting in him?
I'm not worthy. I don't deserve this privilege.
And so, in one breath, I say, "Thank you, God, for these wonderful results. Thank you for my healthy, stubborn boy."
And, in the next breath, I say, "Use me. Use him. Use her. Use us. Whatever you want, whatever you will. I will trust in you no matter what, so use me. I will give glory to your name, no matter what fires I have to walk through, so use me. As long as you're with me, I will go to the ends of the earth, to the ends of my fears, to the ends of my desires, to the end of my life...glorifying you all the way. I love you, God. Not because you're good to me, but because you are worthy...simply worthy."
And so I ask you, "Remember how he wasn't supposed to live?"
What a mighty, might God we serve...
-
It's a good thing I was on my toes today! I got up and cleaned (almost) the entire house. Got the dishes all done and started in on the laundry. The kids and I were bathed, dressed, and ready to go...I even had make-up on my face! (If you know me in real life, you know this is R-A-R-E.)
Around 10:45, I thought, "I should probably call and make sure I know where I'm going. I'm not sure which floor of the hospital I'm supposed to be on."
Well, thank God for that thought! When I called the doctor's office to find out where we were supposed to meet with the doctor, I found out that, due to the scheduling change, we were supposed to be at Clarian North in Carmel! By that time, it was already 11:00 a.m., and the appointment was at 1:00 p.m. My parents were in Danville, planning to come to Lafayette and go to the appointment with me.
I kicked it into OVERDRIVE. I am so incredibly thankful that I was intentional today. I put the kids' shoes and coats on, and packed them into the car. I called my parents and gave them new directions to the proper office. I called Kyle and asked him to meet me at McD's to feed the kids QUICKLY, since we wouldn't have another chance for lunch until late, late afternoon.
As I was heading towards I65, I realized that my car was ON the E. Ugh. I stopped to get gas. Got back in the car, and Ruby said she needed to go potty. Got them both out of the car, took her potty, got them both back in the car, and headed on my way.
I drove the speed limit the entire way to Indy. I spent a good portion of the time on Cruise Control, because the temptation to break the law was overwhelming.
I called the doc's office to let them know I was on the way.
I followed my wrong directions to the wrong deadend. Called the doc's office and got the right directions to the right office.
Mom met me at the front door with Radiology orders for Burke while Dad parked the car and took care of the Rubinator.
We get an x-ray. I cry. (Another story for another time.)
We go back up to the doctor's office, and we get an EKG. Burke's charming. (Yet another story for another time.)
We meet with the doctor, who tells me that...
This boy?
Is. SO. Stubborn.
Apparently.
And that's really, really, really good news!
EEG? Normal. Chest X-ray? Normal! EKG? Normal!!
There is no indication that Burke has any significant cardiac problem. :)
Sure, he started having breath-holding spells earlier than 99.9% of children who have them. Sure, he has them more often than 99.9% of children who have them. But that just means that I most likely have a child who is more hard-headed and stubborn than...
Yep, 99.9% of other children.
The Strong-Willed Child? Well, sure, I'll read it again..for the hundreth time.
I swear, if I survive raising these children, I will be eligible for sainthood. ;)
It's a good thing they're so stinkin' cute!
Thank God for this wonderful, exciting news! :) Burke is wearing a heart monitor for the next month just to be extra cautious and make sure we're not missing anything, but the doctor said that he's nearly certain we're not going to find anything worrisome! :)
We've still got an appointment with the pediatric neurologist later this month, but I'm not expecting to hear anything different from him.
WAHOO! Thank you for your prayers! :)
-
I've got several things to share with you tonight. Bear with me! :)
Tomorrow at 1:00 p.m., Burke has an appointment with a pediatric cardiologist. I don't know what to expect. I don't know if they'll be ordering more tests or what. We're just trying to figure out why he's passing out so often and make sure that it's not something dangerous or indicative of a bigger problem. We're also trying to figure out whether his seizure was a fluke or a sign of something more problematic. Your prayers are *greatly* apprecaited. I'll make sure to keep you all updated.
On a totally different note, we've decided not to eat out nearly as much this year. We're doing a really good job, and I'm re-discovering my love for the kitchen!! In the past two weeks, I've made several things that are so yummy. Accordingly, I've added two new recipes to the recipes page. The Banana Cake is so amazingly good. It's totally worth the time and effort to make it. I promise! :) I found the recipe on AllRecipes.com, and I only made a couple of small changes. The other recipe is my own creation, although it's nothing spectacular. :) I love Chicken and Wild Rice Soup. Tonight, I was craving it and decided to try to make my own version. It worked! *Really well!* Amazingly, I actually remembered to write down everything I did! :) If you are also a fan of Chicken and Wild Rice Soup, check it out! :)
Lastly, I wanted to pass along some information on how to help out the people who have been affected by the earthquake in Haiti. Compassion International has several centers in Haiti, many of which are right in Port-au-Prince. They are helping with the recovery efforts, and you can help by donating to Compassion. If you'd like to donate via your cell phone bill, you can text "disaster" to 90999. If you'd like to donate directly from your credit card or by check, you can do so HERE. Please have compassion on the people who have been affected by this earthquake. Natural Disaster on top of abject poverty equals up to hopelessness. By donating to Compassion International, you are helping the people of Comp Int'l show the love and hope of Jesus Christ to hurting Haitians.
I hope you all have sweet dreams and wonderful Thursdays! I love you...muchly.
-
Have you ever been so disappointed or irritated in yourself that you just want to crawl into a hole? Or how about someone else? Have you ever been so disappointed or irritated at someone else that you wish *they* would crawl into a hole?
Well, today I'm really disappointed in myself. I feel like I've backed out on a commitment. I feel like I didn't hold up my end of a bargain. I feel like I'm letting people down. I know I'm not meeting expectations. And I hate it... Really, truly, it's the thing I despise the most: not meeting expectations.
I'm starting to learn that I hold myself (and the people around me) up to really high standards. I'm hard on myself. I haven't finished a single day, in a really long time, where I actually felt like the day was a complete success. In fact, most days I feel like a failure in one way or another.
I'm also realizing that I assume God looks at me the same way I look at myself. Amazingly, I forget that he's, you know, God. I forget that his ways are (a lot) higher than my ways. And, a lot of the time, I forget to ask him what *His* expectations are for my life.
Sometimes, I think I'm too hard on myself. Other times, I think I'm not hard enough on myself.
All of the time, I don't think enough about what God is saying about myself.
Right now, I have a feeling that God's been disappointed for quite a while. Not because I wasn't doing a good job with my responsibilities (even though I wasn't), but because I wasn't doing the responsibilities that he wanted me to do.
That? Sucks.
It sucks bad enough to make me want to crawl into a hole and give up trying to live a life that pleases him. Just honesty, people. My heart's desire is truly to please him. And when I know I haven't done that? Ugh. It just makes me wanna give up. Quit. Run away.
But that's the last thing he wants. I think that giving up and quitting would make him even more frustrated than me trying to please him in the wrong way. (Don't have a biblical basis for this...I just get the sense that God, at the very least, wants us to honestly try to please him...even if we make mistakes along the way.)
Above all, however, he just wants us to seek him. Find out what he has to say about our lives (and how we're living them.)
And right now? I feel like that's all I can do. Seek him and ask him what he'd like me to be doing right now.
So that's my encouragement for today. Whenever you feel like crawling into a hole or running away from it all. Don't.
Instead, crawl into a corner with a prayer on your lips. Crawl into a corner with obedience (and repentance, if needed) in your heart. Crawl into a corner with the reminder that God loves you, wholly...mistakes and all. And he wants the imperfect, infuriating, disappointing, irritating, thick-headed, outspoken, disobedient you more than anything in the world...especially more than having no relationship with you at all.
Today? If you're feeling disappointed in yourself? Don't run away. Run to.
-
Recently, my friend, Daryl Hunter, tweeted his three words for the year. I was intrigued, so I followed the link in his tweet. It led me to a blog post by Chris Brogan. His post got my wheels turning, even though it was a little above my head. The idea is to forego traditional "resolutions" in favor of choosing key words for the new year. Words that represent broader ideas to give guidance to the year ahead.
What can I say? I'll try (almost) anything once. :)
So, for 2010, I've got three words that I'll be using to guide my faith, my thoughts, my actions, and my choices. All of these words have been in my heart for quite some time. My three words for 2010 are:
Intent
Another friend, Kirsten Smith, wrote a blog post about Intent the other day. I couldn't say it better myself, so I won't. :) It was quite interesting, because on the day she posted this article, I had written in my journal: "I don't care what I do this year, so long as I mean to do it." Later that evening, Kirsten and I met for hot drinks and good conversation. We intend to do it again soon. :)
This year, if the laundry piles up, I want it to be because I made a specific choice to do something else...something more worthy than keeping my home in order. This year, if I make someone angry or hurt their feelings, I want it to be on purpose. Since that's never my intent, I mean to say that I hope to only make people angry this year if there's absolutely no way around it, and I hope to hurt no one's feelings. I want to be an intentional and purposeful wife and mother. At the end of our days, I want to go to sleep knowing that I gave my family everything I had to offer. And, most importantly, I want to be incredibly deliberate in my relationship with Christ.
Belief
In God. In myself. In others.
Compassion
This word has layers. I very literally want to be more focused on Compassion Internation. I want Pracidia to know that she is loved, so much, by God and by us. I want to work toward letting her know in a more tangible way. I would like to become more involved with the program on any level, by sponsoring another child, promoting child sponsorship and the war on poverty, or any other opportunity I'm given.
I also want to increase my compassion for the world around me. My neighbors. My community. My city. I want to react with compassion at all times. I want to look beyond the hurt to see the need. I want my heart to be broken for the things that break God's heart. I want my eyes to be open to God's purpose in my to bring healing to the wounded and comfort to the hurting.
I will be making very intentional actions in the coming weeks to reduce my life to these purposes. If, at some point in my deliberate journey with Christ, I feel led a different direction, then I will certainly obey. For now, however, I am convinced that this is where I need to begin.
How about you? Have you got some words?
