not to us

Mark Twain said, "Really great people make you feel that you, too, can become great."

I have a friend who embodies this quote.  The very first time I read it, I sent her an e-mail and told her what a great person she is to me.  She inspires me to become a great person myself.

While I was on bedrest with Burke, she faithfully brought us a meal every week.  She randomly dropped by with sweet teas, and she took care of Ruby on multiple occasions.

Since that time, our relationship has grown deep.  We meet together regularly to let our children play together and to enjoy one another's company.  The coolest thing about our relationship?  She desires to keep our conversations edifying and uplifting just as much as I do.  She's not afraid to say, "Um, I think we should change the subject.  I feel like we're being too negative."  And she never gets offended when I say the same thing.

I think she's one of the most wonderful people in the world, and, today, I want to ask you to pray for her.

Angela is the wife of a Harley-riding funny guy and the mommy of two very special kiddos.  :)  Noah is six, and he recently started school.  He did GREAT during his kindergarten year, and I'm excited to watch him continue to grow and learn.  He keeps us laughing and keeps us busy!  Ella is four (nearly five), and, when Ruby grows up, she wants to be just like Ella.  :)  Ella is quick to include Ruby and loves to play house.

When Ella was just a year old, the doctors discovered that Ella's renal artery and abdominal aorta both had areas that were narrowed to a lethal width.  Ella's blood pressure was sky-rocketing, and her heart had enlarged under the pressure of trying to pump blood through these tiny passageways.  She was literally on the brink of death.  They rushed her into surgery and opened up these arteries.

Unfortunately, because of Ella's size and age, they knew it was only a temporary fix.

A year ago, Ella had another surgery to open up the arteries again.

And, on Thursday, she'll be having yet another major procedure to open up her renal artery again.

This will likely be a pattern until Ella has finished growing.  At that time, the doctors are hopeful that they'll be able to perform a permanent solution for Ella.

With all of that said, Ella's future is so very uncertain.  You would never, ever know simply by looking at her.

You also wouldn't be able to tell by Angela's attitude.  She is one of the most gracious and courageous mothers I know.  She walks this road and travels this journey in a way that speaks volumes and glorifies God like crazy.

But that doesn't mean she's invincible.  There are times when the fear grabs hold.  There are moments when the tears won't stop.  There are times when she just gets tired of walking this road.

And I don't blame her one single tiny bit.  In fact, I love her even more for it.  Her honesty, transparency, and vulnerability are so endearing to me, and I know they endear her to others, as well.

One day, Angela hopes to chronicle this journey in a book.  And I believe it will be an amazing source of support and comfort for other mothers who are in similar situations.

But today?

Angela is just a mommy with a sick little girl with an uncertain future.  She's a wife and mother who must keep the house running, even under the strain of an impending surgery.  She's a friend who still takes a moment to encourage and support in the midst of her own need for encouragement and support.  

She's my friend, and I am asking you to pray for her.

These are the things I'm praying, will you join me?

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God,

Thank you for Joe, Angela, Noah, and Ella.  Thank you for the plans you have for their family and the witness you've given them.  Thank you for their faithfulness in trusting you and giving you the glory in the midst of their pain.  Thank you for your protection and deliverance to this point.

Please surround Joe and give him the strength and stamina he needs to lead his family during this time.  Please provide friends and brothers who will stand with him and support him as he faces this journey.

Please comfort Angela and remind her of your power.  Give her the full assurance of your love: for her *and* for Ella.  Be there for her in the ways that no one else can.  Please teach me how to be the best friend I can be to Angela.  Show me how I can love her and encourage her during this time.

Please be with Noah during this time.  God, I pray that Noah begins to see you and know you on a very real and personal level.  When he is apart from his family, will you fill the gaps?  Will you plant a confidence so deep in his heart that he will never, ever doubt how much he is loved by your or by his parents?  Above all, I pray that you will continue to speak to Noah and bring him closer to You.

Thank you for the friend that Ella has been to Ruby.  Thank you for her smile and her playful nature.  Please calm any fears or nerves that Ella might have, either now or on Thursday.  Please prepare her body and mind for this procedure.  Allow her to feel you and know that you are near.  Help her see that she is never, ever alone.  

Please be with the surgeons and nurses.  Give them a clear mind and steady hands.  Fill them with your wisdom.

God, I proclaim that You are Jehovah Rophe, the God who heals.  I know that you have the power to heal Ella's body permanently.  I pray that, if Ella's healing would bring you more glory than Ella's illness, you would heal her body completely.

Above all, I know that you are in control of this family and this situation.  I know that you love them and you have not forgotten them.

Thank you for who you are.  Thank you for all you've done.

I love you.  Amen.

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Also, if you'd like to leave some encouragement for Joe, Angela, Noah, and Ella, that would be awesome.  Angela reads the blog, and I know that she would appreciate the support.  :)

Lastly, you can follow Ella's story on her Caring Bridge website.

Have a great day, friends!  Be thankful for your blessings *and* your trials, because the Bible tells us that trials and sufferings lead to hope...the Ultimate Hope. (Romans 5:1-11)  And there can be no better news than that!

Did you know that we are all orphans at some point?  Spiritually, at least.  In his amazing love, God decided not to leave us that way.  By sending Jesus, he created a better alternative.  He invited us out of orphanhood and into his family.

But becoming an adoptive family?  It's just not always easy.  It's almost never natural.  It takes a concerted effort to form the proper attachments and replace the bad habits of the past.  It takes a *lot* of dedicated love to overcome the lies of the past.  At least, that's what we learned in our foster care training today.

And you know what I've been thinking over the past couple of weeks?

Right now, Mike and I are experiencing the closest thing we'll ever experience to foster care.  We have been separated from our "original" spiritual family for reasons beyond our control.  It hurts.  It stings.  And, honestly, we don't understand it.

At first, we really thought it would be temporary.  We really thought we'd go worship with a foster family for a short season.

Now, we're realizing that it's probably going to be necessary for us to be permanently adopted into a new family.

And that is scary...but hopeful.

We watched a video in class today about a young child who went through many different placements.  The child talked about getting his hopes up each time, then having his dreams broken time and again.  He talked about losing the hope of ever being loved forever.

And, honestly?  I could relate.  Just a little bit.

When I was a youth, my youth pastor left our church, because he disagreed with our senior pastor.  And then my senior pastor started upsetting a lot of people and a lot of people left our church.  It was a really, really rough experience for a young teen.  My brother left our church and attended church down the street from our house.  My dad, my mom, me, and about 30 or 40 people were left in a shell of what the church had been in years prior.

God healed the church.  He brought beauty from the ashes, and, today, the church is an amazing picture of God's love.  

But on my heart?  There's a tiny little scar...the memory of speaking out in front of a bunch of people who were at least twice my age...the memory of speaking what I knew was true and realizing the drastic weight of my words...the memory of wondering if everything went wrong because of something I said or did.

When I was in college, I was the student president of a college ministry.  Some heavy stuff went down, and I saw it happening before anyone else.  When I spoke out about it, I was shunned.  Everyone told me that I was being judgmental or sinful.  My leader told me I was conniving.  My brother told me I was wrong.  Eventually, I left the ministry.

I wasn't wrong.  The following year, the ministry experienced one of the greatest traumas I've ever witnessed.  God healed the ministry.  He brought joy from mourning, and, today, the ministry is thriving.

But on my heart?  A rather large scar exists where all the memories find their hiding place...the memory of sitting in an office while a spiritual leader told me that my husband's ministry would fail because of me...the memory of sitting in a room while a liar confronted me and everyone believed the lies...the memory of sitting in a leadership meeting and getting a verbal lashing that I didn't deserve.

Now, I'm a big girl.  I'm a grown woman.  I'm a wife and a mother.  I was a worship leader and a ministry leader.  But I said some hard things.  I'm not sure if they were harsh or simply hard truths.  I still haven't determined in my heart the level of my culpability in this situation.  After hours and hours of prayer and meditation, I feel peace that I've done nothing out of malicious intent or vain conceit.  But Satan lies to me.

He scratches at those scars.  He brings back the bad memories...the horrible things that people have said:

"You're a challenge to lead."

"If you don't change, you'll hurt Mike's ministry."

"I don't like you.  In fact, I hate you."

"I don't love you, Lindsay.  I want to, but I just don't."

And, as much as I hate it, I believe him.  I try to lean on my husband's love.  I try to rest in my parents' love.  I try to look at my good qualities, and I try to dwell on God's promises and truths.

But when it comes down to it...I find myself wondering the hard things:

"Am I really a challenge?  Am I too hard to handle?  Am I really that bad?  Is there no one who can help me change?  Is there no one who will commit to helping me be better?  What if I never find a spiritual family or spiritual leader who is willing to stick through it and love me, through the good times and the bad?"

And the worst:

"What if God thinks I'm a challenge?  What if He looks at me and all he sees are my weaknesses?  Can he really love me unconditionally?"

Of course, in my head, I know He can.  I know that his ways are SO much higher than ours.  I know that his love is perfect, and ours is anything but.

Unfortunately, head knowledge is totally different from heart belief.

This week?  I'm praying that my head and my heart begin to connect.  I'm praying that God will heal the wounds...will seal the scars more tightly this time.  I'm praying that He'll remind me of His truth, and I'm praying that He'll continue to give me the courage to speak His words, no matter what it costs me.

Mostly, I'm praying that He puts a leader in my life who will take the challenge and help mentor me into a closer relationship with Jesus.

We are a family.  For better or worse.  For richer or poorer.  In sickness and in health.  God has called us to each other, and we are not ever allowed to say, "I don't need you."

Tomorrow?  As you gather with your spiritual family?

Will you do me a favor and look around?  See your brothers and sisters for who they really are: orphans, needy and helpless, who have been adopted into the family of God.  Unworthy children who have been loved by an ever-worthy Father.

Then, will you take the next step and show them the love that the Father has lavished on you?  Will you hug them?  Smile at them?  Pray for them?  Hold their hand?  Let them know how much you appreciate them.

You never know:  One of them just might be on the brink of losing their hope.

(Edited to add:  Dudes, I was watching Hope Floats while I wrote this post.  And the end includes this quote:

"Beginnings are scary,

Ending are usually sad,

but it's the middle that counts the most.

You need to remember that when you find yourself at a beginning.

Just give hope a chance to float up,

and it will too."

It was just what I needed to hear.  :)  Thank you, God.  Help me find my hope in You, and You alone.)

Remember when I wrote this post?  It was just a little over two years ago.  

That Thursday was literally the day God started opening my heart and eyes to some of His plans.  Now, two years later, I still don't know exactly what the plan looks like.

What I do know, however, is that, as much as I have tried to be obedient over the past two years, there are some major areas where I have ignored God's leading and tolerated the sin of disobedience in my life.  And now?  God has had enough.  He's speaking loudly and clearly and he's saying, "You can obey me, or you can live your life the way you want.  Either way, you're worshiping.  It's just a matter of who."

A couple of weeks ago, I watched a promotional video that David Platt made for his new book, Radical.

David Platt Radical Book from Life Bible Study on Vimeo.

In it, he said, "...we need to be really careful, because at this point, we're starting to redefine Christianity according to our preferences and what is comfortable for us...We take the Jesus of the Bible, and he begins to look a lot like us...And the danger here is that when Jesus is being twisted into our image and we gather together as Christians in our churches and we sing and we lift up our hands to Jesus, the reality is:

We're not actually worshiping the Jesus of the Bible.  Instead, we're worshiping ourselves."

And that little excerpt right there?  It shot straight into my heart, and it cut me open, and it made me take a look at me.

And I did not like what I saw.

God had asked me to speak truth boldly.  When I did, I ran up against a lot of opposition.  So I stepped out of leadership and stopped attending our women's bible study.  Instead, I went back to what was more comfortable: more comfortable for me *and* more comfortable for everyone else.

I went back to singing and raising my hands on a Sunday morning.

And then my pastor preached a message about Mary, and her act of worship.  Jesus said that her worship was more important than caring for the poor.  He reminded one of his disciples that loving people without loving God is as useless as loving God without loving people.  My pastor pointed out a few things:

1.  Worship should cost you something. - My worship costs me very little...practically nothing.  In fact, my public worship brings me accolades.

2.  You cannot truly worship and leave unchanged. - My worship over the past two years has changed my heart so profoundly that I'm not even sure how to put it into words.  However, when I look at my life?  I see very little difference.

3.  True worship has a lingering effect. - My worship has changed my heart, but it hasn't changed my life.  If I'm not allowing my worship to go deep enough to change my life, how in the world can I expect to lead others into the kind of worship that changes their lives?

Oh, and Mary didn't sing a single note...at least not any notes that were worthy of a mention in the Bible.

And me?  I'll sing my heart out and encourage others to do the same.  But my life is seriously lacking in evidence of true, active, sacrificial worship.

Last night, God knew that I needed to be reminded of His purpose in this season of my life.

I'm reading a book called "The Dangerous Act of Worship" by Mark Labberton.  I'm only halfway through, and I know I'll have to go back and read it another three or four times to really get all that's in it.  But last night, there were a few passages that really spoke to me and boldly outlined some truth that I needed to hear:

"God's people, through lives of worship, are to be chief instruments in [the purpose of re-creating things into the image of Jesus Christ.]  The world is to be renewed partly through the fruit of transformed lives that are righteous and just in character and action.The new creation is partly embodied by the extraordinary impact of worshipers whose changed lives leave a wake of love, mercy and grace." (pp. 67-68)

"According to the Bible, of the many qualities of worship that matter God, none is more important than truth; that is, worshiping God as he truly is and showing that truly by how we live...Our central lie [in worship] is in the discrepancy between the language of worship and the actions of worship.  We confess "Jesus is Lord" (Romans 10:9) but only submit to the part of Christ's authority that fits our grand personal designs, doesn't cause pain, doesn't disrupt the American dream, doesn't draw us across ethnic or racial divisions, doesn't add the pressure of too much guilt, doesn't mean forgiving as we have been forgiven, doesn't ask for more than a check to show compassion.  We "sing paslms and hymns and spiritual songs" (Ephesians 5:19) expressing our desire to know Jesus, but the Jesus we want to know is the sanitized Jesus that looks a lot like us when we think we are at our best....It's the sign of disordered love.  When we do this, our worship becomes a lie to God." (pp. 69 and 71)

"Scripture indicates God has done much to reveal the integrity of his character and has called his people to demonstrate that character through living out his life in the world...We profess a God of love and mercy, but often the word on the street is that Christians who most insist on this are among the least charitable, the least forgiving, the most judgmental...When we "cease to do evil, / learn to do god, / seek justice, / rescue the oppressed, / defend the orphan, / plead for the widow" (Isaiah 1:16-17), our lives show forth the God we worship.  We are meant to be God's clear signal to a watching world that there is a God who is the Light in our darkness."  (pp. 71 and 73)

And, finally,

"If we truly meet God, we will never be the same.  Yet in our worship practices, we have a tendency to stay the same...Perhaps it has to do with incomplete worship.  We take in the good news of the gospel again and again, but we fail to risk living out the gospel.  Yet that is the necessary trajectory of worship...We are meant to live what we profess.  If we are committed to discipleship that is defined by an hour a week (or more) "but do not have love," we are "a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal" (1 Corinthians 13:1).  If we don't live the truth, reflect our praise or enact our confessions, our faith can't possibly change us...God's people should be the ones to receive and give in worship all that we are and have.  Only then can we be gradually remade into the likeness of Jesus Christ and become God's agents of change in the world.  It's dangerous to take the gospel this seriously."  (pp.73-76)

Whoops...I lied:

"Imagine how shocking it would be if the foremost reputation of the church was "the people who endlessly love" or "the people who sacrificially pu others first" or  "the ones who always remember the poor and the forgotten."  The point is not the accolades but living the life that embodies our true identity, the life of the One we worship."  (p. 77)

I heard God tell me to move two years ago, and I stayed.  No matter the reasons, I stayed, and it was disobedient, sinful.  I heard God tell me to move six months ago, and I stayed.  No matter the reasons, I stayed, and it was disobedient, sinful.  God is telling me, clearly, to move now.  And I keep trying to find ways/reasons to stay.  It's disobedient, and it's sinful.

I want my worship to be true.  I want my worship to be radical.  I want my worship to change me, all of me, and the world around me through the power of the One I'm worshiping.

How about you?  Where has your worship taken you lately?

Mike and I are working through a very rough time.  Let me be clear: This has nothing to do with our marriage or family.  Things on that front are as good as they've ever been.  However, the situation we're facing is just as vital to our life as our marriage and family.

We were driving to run some errands last night, and I said to Mike, "I have less hope for a miraculous outcome in this situation than I had for Burke's survival."

Friends, this is huge.  Burke was given less than a 1% chance to live.  And that was with no human error component.  It was completely, fully up to God to determine if Burke was going to survive or not.

Now?  We're facing a powerful spirit of deceit and division in our lives and in our church, and we are doing everything in our power (and with God's power in us) to fight it.  

Recently, our pastor has been preaching about the Sermon on the Mount.  And, not long ago, we had a marriage retreat for our church family.  Many times, he has encouraged us to seek Christian counseling or third-party help from other believers, if we're facing trouble in our marriage.  The Bible says that we should do the same thing in all our relationships with other Christians.  (Matthew 18:15-35, 1 Corinthians 6:1-6)

Mike and I have asked for counseling and help with these fellow Christians, and we are waiting to see if they will seek help with us.  We are praying, day and night, over this situation.  We are begging God to do more than we can ask or imagine in order for us to return to our church family as soon as possible.

We have given this entire situation to God.  We are obeying his Word to love others, seek unity, and glorify God in our actions.  (Matthew 22:36-40, John 13:34-35,  Romans 12, 1 Corinthians 13, Ephesians 4, Colossians 3, Phillipians 2, 1 Thessalonians 5, 1 John 3:11-24)

Our hearts are heavy.  Our minds are grieved.  But our spirits know Who is in control of this situation, and we believe He can do something that looks impossible.  (Ephesians 3:20-21, Matthew 19:26)

Pray for us, please.

Thank you.