not to us

Unfortunately, other people's opinions of me weren't the only idols I worshiped.  

I worshipped my church...and it's ministries...and it's programs.  I was so involved in serving, maintaining, preserving, and leading the ministries and programs of the organization that I lost sight of the goal.  I got so caught up in the mission of the organization that I forgot something very, very important:

I forgot that Jesus' major emphasis was on relationships...on The Church...on the group of people who followed Him. 

Jesus never said that the world would come to know him because of excellent musical experiences, or incredible programs and ministries.  He didn't even say that the world would know us because of our good works.

He said, "I give you a brand new commandment: Love each other like crazy.  Because of that crazy, unselfish, world-changing love, people will know that you're my followers."

He also said, "Do everything you can to be unified together.  Rely on the Holy Spirit working within you.  Always seek to love each other in everything you do.  That will bring together perfect unity.  Your unity will be the proof the world needs in order to know that I was sent by God."

For five years, I invested in my church and it's programs.  I spent five years developing relationships with people in that organization.

But at the end of that five years, I realized exactly how worthless it had all been.  In a strikingly abrupt moment, it became terribly clear exactly how little relationship I had actually cultivated in my time there.  Even the people with whom I had the closest relationships made themselves scarce when we stopped attending their church.

Over the past eight months, I have realized how vital it is for us to follow these commands.  I realized how singular our focus must be.  I learned that, even though I preached a weekend full of messages on this exact subject, I still missed it for nearly two years.  

And I missed out on a lot.

Honestly?  It makes me a little sick to my stomach.  The shallow relationships, the lost years, the missed opportunities, the hurt, the wounds...

Gross.

And now?  I'm determined not to repeat my mistakes.  I'm begging God to help me, heal me, show me, lead me.  I'm asking Him to teach me how to love the people around me (and those not around me) with a radical brand of love.  I'm asking Him to teach me, anew, what it means to follow Him.

And I'm realizing that it has very, very little to do with going to church...

I am a people-pleaser.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah...  I just heard you snort.

But it's true.

Over the past eight months, I've realized that whether or not you actually succeed at pleasing other people *doesn't* determine whether or not you're a people-pleaser.  What determines whether or not you're a people-pleaser is the effect pleasing others has on your self-image.

And, let me tell you...

When I fail to please others, it has a NEG-A-TIVE effect on my self-image.

So...what does this have to do with church attendance?

A LOT!

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I can't tell you how many sermons I've heard based on Mark 10:45, urging me to volunteer in the nursery or chaperone the next youth trip or serve in the kitchen ministry or...  I've heard numerous sermons preached about the importance of tithing 10% of my money to help fund the church's programs or pay the church's bills.  I've heard sermons preached about 1 Corinthians 12, encouraging me to view the "lower" gifts like serving in the nursery as equally valuable as the "higher" gifts like preaching and teaching.  

Studies tell us that 80% of church goers hear these sermons and continue to attend church each Sunday without serving in any capacity or donating any of their money or desiring to use any of their gifts for the church's benefit.

But I'm in the 20.  When I hear those sermons, I feel a compulsion (obligation, duty, urgency) to fulfill these needs within the church.  I feel a literal sense of guilt whenever any need in the church is not being met.  And, often times, I step in to try to fulfill the needs.  And, often times, I fail.  Horribly.

Because I'm a hand.  And when I try to see, instead of touch, things go crazy.  And sometimes people get hurt.  But all the time, I end up feeling like a failure.  Literally, crying myself to sleep at night.

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But who cares about my delicate little emotions?

The bigger, *much* bigger, issue is that I get so focused on pleasing other people (my pastor, my church leaders, my friends) that I stop focusing on pleasing God.  I get so focused on helping to support the programs and accomplish the mission of the church that I forget to stop and ask God what He wants me to support and accomplish.

This is dangerous.  And it's not necessarily the church's fault.  But it is something that I needed to learn and see and surrender.

More on that tomorrow...

Yesterday was Compassion Sunday at Elston Family Church.  It started out with a simple e-mail to my pastor, asking for permission to do a small, quick presentation about Compassion International and set up a Sponsor Display in the lobby.  He granted permission without a moment's hesitation.  Within a week or two, Compassion Sunday @ EFC had grown into a much larger event.  Instead of a five minute presentation, Pastor Randy asked me to help him coordinate an entire service focused on God's Heart of Compassion for the world.

We ended up presenting a *ton* of information yesterday.  I talked about Compassion International.  Two families in the church talked about their adoptions, which are in the final stages.  They introduced their new children (Welcome, Micah!!  Welcome, Addai!!) to our church family.  And then a good friend and I talked about our upcoming trips to Haiti.

Leading up to yesterday, I felt uncomfortable.  I had really planned on giving a quick five-minute presentation that people would be able to easily ignore, if they so desired.  Instead, it ended up being a 90 minute service focused solely on certain realities and what we, as a church family, can do.  It seemed a little harsh.

It didn't feel very easy to say things like, 

"One-third of the world's children live in extreme poverty.  One out of every five people on this planet live on less than $1 per day.  That's an annual salary of $365."

It felt a little inappropriate to say things like,

"Each year, 1.2 million children, children, are trafficked for sexual slavery or cheap/free labor."

It felt mean to say things like,

"Today, 1600 women and 10,000 children (mostly infants) will die from diseases and complications that could have been easily prevented by an antibiotic or an immunization."

I mean, what if there were visitors in the crowd?  And what about the new Christians?  The "baby" Christians?  Wasn't this a little heavy for them?

It felt cruel to say things like,

"By spending $40/month, Mike and I are able to keep Pracidia from being one of these statistics.  I know that seems steep, but it's less than your cable bill.  It's less than two trips to the restaurant each month."

And, to rub salt in the wound, I showed them her picture.

I was especially mean to the first service.  Without any warning, I was overcome.  I just started bawling.  And I said, "I feel silly, because I've never met her.  And I probably never will.  But I just love her so much."

I was so careful to tiptoe around.  I was so sensitive not to hurt anyone's feelings or offend anyone's senses.

And, at the end of each service, I stood next to my Sponsor Display.  People walked by to look at the pictures.  Some even took brochures or asked questions.  But at the end of the day, my table still had the pictures of fifteen children sitting on its surface.  Not a single child had been sponsored.

To say I was disheartened wouldn't be false, but it wouldn't be completely accurate either.  I was simply a little less hopeful.  I planned to set up the display next week, as well.  And I was still hopeful that at least one child would be released from poverty in Jesus' name.

I had no idea what God had in store for the afternoon.

I already felt drained.  I already felt like I was lying on the floor in a million pieces, my heart hurting for the lost.  My heart beating for the poor.  And I felt so alone.  Out of 200 people who attended yesterday's service, not one could sponsor a child in need?  I felt a little crazy.  Am I just an extremist?  

We came home and hosted our small group, led by the Skidmores.  Sarah told us that she had a video series that she'd like for us to do as a group, but she wasn't sure if we should do it or not.  She warned us that it was heavy, and she told us it was called, "What the Gospel Demands."

We told her that we'd at least like to start it.

And we watched this message by David Platt, the senior pastor at The Church at Brook Hills.  It's nearly an hour in length, but I beg you to set aside that hour and watch it.

He said some really hard things, and you could tell it weighed on him.  Things like:

"There are over 4.5 billion people today on a road that leads to hell."

"Today, over 30,000 children will breathe their last breath due to either starvation or a preventable disease."

"We are not inconvenienced by extreme poverty because those stricken by it are not only poor...they are powerless."

From the screen, he obviously could not tell that I was in tears and barely breathing, because he went on to say things like:

"If I believe it [the Bible], if this Book is true, then that has radical implications for my life."

"God measures the integrity of our faith by our concern for the poor."

"It is hard for the wealthy to get to Heaven...and we are rich.  Everyone in this room is rich."

"Jesus said, 'Anyone who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.'"

When he finished preaching, the room was very quiet, and Sarah said, "So, what do you think?"

And I said, "Can we meet every week instead of every two weeks?"  And then I got self-conscious.  I mean, obviously, this resonates with me.  I've been thinking and praying on these things for months, if not the past couple of years...  So, in my insecurity, I said, "I mean, it's okay if the rest of you don't want to do this.  It may just be where I'm at right now.  I don't want you all to feel like I'm pushing you toward it."

And my dear friend, Tim, emphatically stated, "I NEED THIS!  I want this.  This is what I'm searching for.  I mean, there's got to be more than this...more than just paying the bills and going to work."

And, all of a sudden, I knew I wasn't alone.  But this wasn't even the greatest revelation of the afternoon.

Just a few minutes after this exchange, one of our members said, "So, are you telling me that I have to give everything up to follow Jesus?  Is he saying that all Americans are going to hell?"

And I said, "I don't think that's the point of what he's saying.  I think he's saying that, those who are truly seeking after the heart of Jesus, truly seeking to follow him, they won't be rich, because they'll be giving it all away."

"To what extent?" he asked.

And I said something that seemed totally practical at the time, "I don't know.  God will tell you that.  When you're following him, he'll tell you when to give and what to do.  This isn't something that we'd challenge a new believer with.  This isn't a message for "baby" Christians."

And that's when Revelation came.  That's when a shift happened in my life.  That's when Jesus spoke to me more powerfully than he has ever before.  (I'm not exagerrating.  This has radically changed my thought process in the past 24 hours.)

Tim looked at me and said, "Why not?"

*Silence*

He continued, "I mean, Jesus didn't do that.  Jesus didn't save this stuff for the 'mature' followers.  These are the things he said to the huge crowds.  This is what he said to people who were coming to him and asking to follow him for the first time."

My goodness.  What have we done to our faith??  What has "Christianity" done to the following of Jesus Christ??

He was so absolutely right.  This is not a graduate level course in Christianity.  This is a BASIC principle of following Jesus Christ...being willing to give it ALL up for Him and His purposes.

You see, it's not about the poor.  It's not about charity.  It's about following Christ wherever He goes...following Him wherever he tells us to go.

And that's probably not going to be pretty or comfortable.  I mean, look at the first move Jesus ever made:

He chose to leave beautiful, perfect Heaven and come down to despicable, imperfect Earth for the glory of God...so that God could be made more famous.

Am I willing to go there?  Are you willing to go there?

We've gotta answer that question before we can go *any* further in following Christ.

And I know my answer.  My answer is, "Hell yes!"  Am I scared?  Infinitely so.  Am I concerned about what it will cost me?  Absolutely.  Do I think I might be embarking upon the absolute hardest time in my marriage to date?  Without a doubt.  Am I afraid that people will think I'm radical/extreme/foolish/etc...?  A little bit.

But I truly, truly care more about going after Christ.  I truly, truly care more about getting connected to His heart more and more...all for the glory of God.

And I am unapologetically radically changed forever more...

Would you like to do this study with my small group?  If so, let me know.  I'd be willing to figure out how to start up a chat board or a message board on this site so that we can go through this series together.  If you wanna follow Jesus like this, I wanna help you in that endeavor.  Just let me know.

Today we had a celebration cookout for our church at Colombian Park. It was a fun time with many of our friends from church and their children. I've posted the best pictures on our site here.