Posts tagged with "parenting"
This summer, I've come up against a parenting issue that, up to this point, I haven't given any thought: Athletics.
Just a couple of months ago, we asked Ruby if she would like to play t-ball. (We were at a friend's t-ball game.) When she said no, we asked her if she'd like to play other sports: soccer, basketball, track, tennis, dance, etc... Still, she said she wasn't interested. When we asked her what she'd like to do, she answered, "I think I'll just like to read a lot. I will read a lot of books, I think."
Okay. I'm down with that choice. As long as she gets a good amount of physical activity in each day, I don't care if she ever handles a single ball or joins any type of team.
But this summer...man! She has taken to the water like a fish!
She *loves* to go to the pool. Every morning she wakes up and asks, "Are we going to the pool today?" She's constantly pretending to be taking swim lessons or pretending to have a swim race. She *loves* it when she can convince one of the older kids to actually race against her.
And yesterday she did this:
After this video, I spent about five minutes showing her how to breathe from the side. Then she took off across the pool, breathing and all. She swims the freestyle in a completely straight line, and she swims it faster than I can wade through the water beside her...even though she's only been swimming freestyle (arms and legs) for six days. She dives for diving sticks in the deep end up to 5 ft. She jumps off the diving board. The other day, she told me she was going to "swim like a bird" and she swam the butterfly stroke. I'm not kidding.
Clearly, there is some very raw, very natural talent in her little body. Talent that can help her be healthy. Talent that can help her have a sense of purpose during her childhood. Talent that could, eventually, help pay for college, if she chooses to go that route.
What do we do now? Do we call a local swim coach and get her involved in advanced lessons for technique? Do we just wait a year or two until she's a little older?
I'm honestly not sure. She's so young, and swimming can be an intense sport. My coaches were hardcore. She's already so competitive and perfection-driven that I'm worried about how she'll handle a sport like this: where your only competition is yourself...where you can always, always do better, so it's hard to gauge when/if you've done your best.
Or maybe I'm just thinking about it too much. (Surprise, surprise...)
So, that's my question of the day: If you had a four year old who could freestyle and butterfly without any formal training, what would you do?
He walks in the back door and makes a beeline for the kitchen. Finding her there, he walks up behind her, wraps his arms around her waist, and begins to kiss her neck until she flushes, giggles, and starts to pull away.
She's sitting in the car, freshening her make-up...applying a new coat of lipstick. "I always like to look nice for your dad," she says with a smile. It's clear that she enjoys her husband and that she enjoys being enjoyed by him.
Their little girl is finally old enough to read, and she finds a stray anniversary card laying about. She reads the printed card, as well as the personal note. She may be young, but she fully understands the intent behind those words... And even though she feels a bit like a Peeping Tom, it gives her hope and fills her with a sense of security.
Their little boy is silly. He loves his Momma, and he loves his Poppa. Nearly every night when Poppa comes home and kisses Momma...a good long kiss, mind you...he jokes and laughs and says, "Ewww! Gross!" Once he's old enough to understand the phrase, he says, "Geez! Get a room!" He feigns embarrassment, but, really, he's learning. He's watching.
These are true examples taken straight from the moments of my childhood. I could really embarrass my parents and share other stories, but I prefer not to be dis-owned. :) My mom and dad were always, always open about their physical love for each other. Affection was freely given and consistently received in our household. I never wondered whether my dad thought my mom was pretty or whether he found her attractive. I also never wondered whether my mom thought my dad was good-looking or whether she enjoyed being his wife in that way. It was very clear that she most certainly did. :)
And maybe you think that's inappropriate. Or maybe you think, "Ah ha! It's her parents' fault that she writes public blog posts about SEX!"
Well, you're wrong on the first point. And you're absolutely right on the second.
My parents taught me, by example, that sex is wonderful and incredible and worthy of anticipation within a marriage relationship. The messages that the world hurled my way never stuck, because I had a real, live, breathing example of exciting and loving sex right in my own home. I never believed the lies that "good sex dies on your wedding night" or that I needed to "get plenty of practice before [I] commited to one guy."
My parents showed me that sex was absolutely worth the wait, and they showed me that there was nothing wrong with or about sex.
By the time I got to my marriage bed, I couldn't wait another second to jump into that sort of relationship with my husband. I couldn't wait to feel his kisses on my neck, to feel his arms around my waist, to know that I'd still be feeling his kisses and his arms 25 years down the line...
To know that I'd still be enjoying every single moment of it. I knew it was possible, because I'd seen it in my own parents' relationship.
Do you want your kids to have a healthy, proper view of sex?
Do you want your kids to ultimately understand
the beauty and value of sex within the covenant of marriage?
Then embarrass the heck out of them.
Kiss your wife. On the lips. Right in front of them...and maybe even in front of their friends.
Tell your daughter how sexy you think her dad is.
Squeeze your man's bottom when you're walking in front of your kids.
Whisper something in your wife's ear that makes her blush...right in front of the kids.
Leave no doubt in their minds whether or not you enjoy sex with each other.
Do you want your children to have fun, healthy, active sex lives?
Do you want to spare them the burden of guilt/shame/fear/anxiety in regards to sex?
Do you want to give them one of the most incredible wedding/marriage gifts possible?
Give them something to look forward to, instead of constantly telling them what to look away from.
Show them that sex is good...really good.
Practice the sort of sexual relationship you hope for them to experience.
Because they are absolutely going to get ideas and expectations about sex from somewhere. Media, peers, and everything else in our culture are more than happy to teach them about sex and give them a model of what sex "should" be.
If you stay quiet, mum, and behind-closed-doors with your own relationship, then they will hear (and absorb) those messages loud and clear. No amount of bible studies, purity pledges, or personal dry conversations about sex can beat the system.
The only way to really beat that system? Give them a 4D example, day in and day out. Show them what sex is meant to be.
After all, our Dad did it for us...
Disclaimer: When I say "show them what sex is meant to be," I obviously do not mean the literal act. I just mean the spirit and the love that lead to the act. The other part should absolutely stay behind closed doors. I figure this is a given, but I wanted to be safe, just in case...
I have not written here awhile. I've done some work on the site, but it's all just been "back end" stuff to help it run smoother. As I was working on the site tonight I came across the post that I wrote about Ruby's birth story. While I enjoy that story immensely, it also made me realize that I haven't really written much about Burke. So here it goes...
I absolutely love being a father. I loved (and still love) being a father to my little girl. It's cool to be an example of godly love to her and to provide a positive masculine influence in her life. So, I do not want to diminish Ruby's importance in my life...
However, there is something really awesome about being a father to a little boy:
Every time I look into those blue eyes I think of his future. I think of him learning how to talk. how to run. how to sing. how to dance. how to play sports. how to be fix things. how to drive. how to love God. how to be a man. I think about how he will look to me as his father for guidance, teaching, discipline, love and more...and it overwhelms me. I want to be the best possible role model for him. I don't want him to have to look to the world or other families for an example.
I want him to confide in me. When he struggles with how to be a godly man, I want him to feel comfortable coming to me. And I want to be able to provide godly advice. When he is trying to decide where to go to school, what job to take, who to marry, etc. I want to provide the wisdom that helps him find the right path.
The miraculous nature of his very existence amplifies the responsibility that I feel to raise him right. There is no earthly reason that my son should be here. By all accounts he should have passed away weeks after Lindsay's water broke. Yet God chose to pull him through impossible odds and blessed us with our second child. As such, I feel that there's a HUGE purpose for Burke's life, and I don't want to do anything to screw it up!
There are times where I take Burke's life for granted. I forget that he shouldn't be here. I forget the amazing power that God demonstrated through his birth. Then, every once in awhile, the magnitude of it all hits me like a ton of bricks. I can't help but cry and say a prayer of thankfulness. I pray that God will use Burke's life as a shining example of His presence. I pray that He will help me guide Burke to whatever place He desires. I basically pray that I do not get in the way.
Burke...there is an inexplicable bond between us. My heart melts every time I hear you laugh and sing or see you take a step. I hope that our relationship continues to strengthen as you grow up. I hope that we have many fun times doing "guy" things...playing sports, fixing computers, camping, being wannabe "handymen", workdays at church, attending sporting events, fishing and more. Above all else I hope that you become a man that loves God and lives for Him.
I love you little man!
Do you like us? Well? Do ya? Do ya?
Forever Families Rock!
Love Mercy
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