not to us

Hey Ruby Girl,

We had a rough day today.  You were only awake for 8 hours, and not a single one of them was pleasant.  It seems like that's become the pattern of our days: lots and lots of rough spots with some bright moments sprinkled throughout.  It's wearing me down something fierce.  

Another pattern has emerged, as well.  I find myself fervently praying for you and me.

Tonight, as I laid my head on my pillow, I started to pray.  Familiar words tumbled through my brain.  I praised God for His power and creativity displayed in you.  I thanked Him for the protection and favor He has already shown in your short life.  I asked Him to forgive me of the mistakes I've already made while being your Mommy.  I asked Him to help me grow and get better at this parenthood thing.

Once I stopped praying, you were (obviously) on my mind.

I started thinking about the way you smile and the way you laugh.  I thought about all the songs you sing.  I thought about the prayers you've offered up in recent days.  I let myself chuckle at your innocent and somewhat premature display of conviction and passion in your prayers.  ("You are God.  You are my friend.")  

You, my dear, are the best source of entertainment.  I love to watch you read your books (many of them, like Cinderella, memorized word for word).  I love to hear you make up your own stories.  I enjoy telling you stories "from my mouth" about Pink Turtle and Grape the Grape.  I enjoy trying to make you laugh.  And I really enjoy sneaking up on you and frightening you.  (Daddy says this is mean, but we always end up in giggles.)  You never fail to give a rousing performance.

You can be the sweetest big sister.  On the mornings that Burke wakes up before you, he immediately wants to get out of his crib.  The first words out of his mouth are, "Ruby?  Sissy?" while he points to your room.  As soon as we open your door and his eyes fall on you, his face breaks out into a huge smile.  At the end of the day, he wants his hug and kiss from Sister before bed.

You can also be a dream daughter.  You often give Daddy and me the best compliments.  You're always willing to give us a hug and kiss.  When you're hurt or upset, we're your first stop.  You make us laugh, and you remind us what a great responsibility we've been given.

I can already see the essence of who you are, my sweet girl.

You are strong and confident.  You are opinionated and intelligent.  You are full of words, and you know how to wield them.  You are a deep thinker and a deeper lover.  Like your Mommy, you are always "on."  You have the ability to greatly influence your generation...and the ones that have come before and the ones that will come after.

God has made you immensely beautiful, Ruby.  On the inside and outside, you are the most beautiful and incredible girl I've ever known.

My urgent desire to lead you to become the young lady that God desires originates strictly in the realization that God has gifted you greatly.

I want you to know, both now and forevermore, that I am absolutely your biggest fan on Earth.  I will cheer you on.  I will fight for you.  I will discipline you.  I will support you.  I will correct you.  I will laugh with you and cry with you.  I will be there for you.  I will love you.  And I will remind you, at every turn, that you are God's girl.

I love you so much.  While you're testing your boundaries and pushing my buttons, it might not seem like I love you very much.  The consequences of your actions may seem harsh and strict.  And, when I make mistakes and respond unlovingly to your behavior, it may confirm your already budding doubts about my love for you.

But I'm telling you, right now, you are God's girl, and He loves you like crazy.  And you are my daughter, and I love you beyond your wildest imagination.

I love you...every tiny bit of you.  

I believe you were created perfectly by God, and I will do everything in my power to help you grow into the woman He desires.

Until that day, I just wanted you to know that i {heart} ruby.

I'm even thinking of getting a t-shirt made.  I can wear it on the rough days to remind you and me that love conquers all.  To remind us both that God has great plans for you.  To remind us that, as long as we lean on Him, we will be an unstoppable team.

It'll be a long time before you can read this, but, when you can, I just want you to know:

I love you, Ruby.  I always have, and I always will: more than you'll ever be able to comprehend.

So honored to be,
~Mommy

A Monday morning conversation with Ruby (age 3).

To set the stage for this morning:  Ruby is sitting on the bed, wrapped in towels after her shower.  I'm puttering around the room getting dressed.

"Okay, Mommy!  You're all ready to go!"  (This is a little family joke.)

I giggled and said, "No, silly!  I still need to put on my bra and shirt."

"Why do you have to wear a bra and shirt?"

"Because if I don't, people will be able to see my boobies."

"What are boobies?"

Pointing to my chest, I said, "These are my boobies."

Pulling down her blankets and looking at her chest, "Oh!  I have boobies, too!"

"That's right.  All girls have boobs."

"My boobies are small."

"Well, they are supposed to be small.  As you get older and grow, your boobs will get bigger."

"And when I'm a mommy like you, I will have whoppin' boobies!"

Yes, friends, this is the same girl who told me I was too fat when she was nearly two.  She's *great* for self-esteem.  :)

I feel like my children have grown up a lot over the past week.  It seems to happen that way with them.  They'll be fairly stagnant in their development for several months and then, BAM!, changes are abundant.  Have you noticed that with your kids?  Or even in your own life?

In the past week, Burke has:

started waving consistently
somewhat consistently saying words that we actually understand: hi, more, up, down, mama, and more  (No joke.  Six words in seven days.)
learned how to blow kisses
started following simple commands (go to the playroom, sit down, come here, pick up the toy, etc...)
only passed out once  (YAY!)
climbed onto the top of the dining room table
hidden my cell phone in the top pocket of a bookcase  (Not necessarily and developmental miracle, but I want to give him heck for it when he's older.  It took me an hour to find that sucker!)

Today, at naptime, I took him to his room, and I said, "It's time for night night."  I laid him down in my arms and started singing.  Usually, when he doesn't want to go to sleep, he starts to whine.  Today, he looked right up at me, reached his hand up and put it over my mouth, and said, "No no Ni ni."  I started laughing really hard, and I said, "No night night?"  And he said it again: "No no Ni ni."  Amazing!

In the past week, Ruby has:

turned three
learned how to hold up three fingers (using just one hand)
only had about one little fit per day (Whoo hoo!  Maybe the 3's won't be as bad as everyone says they are!)
started using all of her manners very consistently...nearly exclusively (please, thank you, using a kind voice)
corrected herself when she started talking too loudly
started expressing consistent and genuine gratitude ("Mommy, that was really nice of you to read me a book.  Thank you very much.")
started helping to get herself dressed
started eating well at meals without a hassle consistently

Last night, we were watching "Up", which the kids have watched at church recently.  It was apparent that Ruby was laughing at the parts that the big kids had laughed at, because she would laugh and then say, "All my friends at Elston Family Church laughed at that part!"  During the scene when Earl hits the construction worker with his cane, Ruby laughed really loud.  Without thinking, Mike and I both reacted, saying, "Ruby, that's not funny.  It's not nice to hit people."  We returned our attention to the movie, and Ruby was quiet for a few seconds before she started crying.  She said, "I was just laughing when the other kids laughed!"  We felt really bad that her feelings had been hurt, but it was a good lesson.  She's learning how to make good decisions and bad decisions intentionally.  She still chooses the bad decisions, but at least she knows there will be consequences.

Anyway...it's just incredible to watch them grow and change.  Even though it has very little to do with me, I get such a kick out of seeing them learn and grow.

And as for me?  I feel like I'm growing up, too.  On Sunday, our friend Luke shared about his recent trip to Papau New Guinea.  He showed a picture of some children playing soccer...with a completely deflated ball.  He said they were really excited, because it was a treat just to have a ball and not be playing with a rock or a tin can.  And then he said something that struck me.  He said, "Don't feel sorry for them.  Even though they don't have much, they have joy!"

But I did feel sorry for them.  Even though they were joyous, I still felt like they had a false understanding/enjoyment of the game.  Kicking a ball around can be loads of fun, but it's not soccer.

And, all of a sudden, I realized why I'm feeling a little "out of sorts" in my life/faith right now.  I think I have been playing with a deflated ball.  I've played real soccer before, and it's a lot more fun...so kicking a flattened ball around seems like a total waste of time to me.

But there are very few people who want to play real soccer with me.  It's a lot of work.  When that ball is inflated, it goes fast.  And you've gotta run hard after it.  And it moves completely differently than a deflated ball.  You've got to learn a new way to kick it and field it.  And you often want to reach your hand out to deflect the ball or catch it.  But that's against the rules.  And it's a temptation you never had when you were playing with the deflated ball, because the deflated ball never got more than a few inches above the ground.  It was natural to use your foot and not your hands.  But now?  That temptation is in your face all. the. time.  And sometimes it really does suck to deal with all of that.

But the first time you send a ball soaring past the goalie into the net?  Holy cow.  You're hooked.  And a deflated ball will never make do again.

I don't want to play with a deflated ball anymore.  I want a real, inflated soccer ball.  i want to be challenged.  I want to be panting out on the field, tired of chasing the dang ball around.  Because I can't wait to score another goal!

Hey there, little girl!

It's your birthday today.  You don't know it yet, but the vast majority of your requests will be granted today...especially since you're still a little sick.  So far, you haven't been hard to please.  You woke up and called out, "Mamasita!  I'm awake!"  Daddy taught you that little ditty a few days ago, and you think it's very entertaining.  :)  I'll admit: We do, too.

You had a very lack-luster breakfast (by request): white milk, waffle, yogurt.  Like I said, you're still a little sick, and it shows in your lack of imagination for breakfast food.

Now, you're sitting next to me watching "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs."  Since Burke is happy walking circles around the living room, I figured I'd take the chance to write your birthday letter.  On your actual birth day, Daddy recorded his thoughts.  On your first birthday, we had a big party, and Daddy made a cool video.  Then last year, on your second birthday, I wrote you a letter.  I think it'll be a nice tradition for us to keep up.

This year you have grown up so much.  You stopped wearing diapers during the day several months ago, and you're this.close to being diaper-less at night.  You have grown out of your 2T clothes, and you're now sporting some very cute 3T duds.  You've also got a new haircut.  The general concesus is that it's very cute, and it fits you well.  :)

You're still as talkative as ever.  You've learned several new phrases that you enjoy using on a regular basis.  Some are cute like "I couldn't believe my eyes!"  Others are a little obnoxious like "Now my life is OVER!"  You speak a lot like your mommy, very passionately with several adjectives sprinkled in here and there.  You also like to sing...you know *a lot* of the lyrics to the songs on the radio.  You like for mommy to sing the silly ABCs (the Spanish version.)  And you've recently started asking me to sing along with the radio in the car.  You say that it "rewaxes" you.  I'm fairly certain you mean relax, since you don't have any unruly body hair at this point.  ;)

You love going to "class" at ROCKS and MOPS.  In the past few weeks, you've really been grasping your lessons and doing your best to make them a part of your life.  It's interesting to see.  Several weeks ago, you memorized a verse from "Thirst Fessalonians."  It said, "Be joyful always."  Now, everytime you're throwing a fit, you say, "I am not joyful right now."  Daddy and I have tried to explain that joy has very little to do with your circumstances, but I think that's just a little too deep for now.  :)  Instead, we're trying to emphasize that you can choose joy in the face of opposition.

This growing up thing is hard.  We know.  But you're doing a great job.  We couldn't be any more proud of you.  We love your smile, your laugh, your heart, your intellect, your humor, and your "zest".  We wouldn't change anything about you.  You're certainly perfectly and wonderfully made.

Happy Birthday, sweetheart!
~Mommy

Dear God,

Thank you for Ruby.  Thank you for all that you've done in her short life.  Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be her mom.

I pray that you'll lead us through our years together.  Teach me how to be the mother you've designed me to be.  Show me how to love her like you love her.  Keep my eyes open and my heart sensitive.  Remind me, daily, that I'm a testament of faith.  Remind me of her watchful and perceptive eyes.  Help me to be the best witness I can be.

I pray that you'll be speaking to Ruby's heart.  Show her how much you love her.  Teach her how to love you back.  Protect her innocence and purity. 

Be glorified in our relationship, God.

Amen.