not to us

Hey everyone!

First I'll ask for you to forgive me for looking a bit unkempt.  I don't have much motivation to get all "pretty."  :)  However, I wanted to post a couple of pictures.  I'll tell you why after the pictures.

Okay, so why did I post the pictures?  To show you all that I'm okay!  And I haven't lost hope!  :)  So many of you have said, "Oh, it's so good to see you.  You're doing so well.  I just wanted to make sure you hadn't lost hope."  So, I wanted to make sure that it's very clear to everyone:  I am FULL of hope!  I do not only find my hope in a "good" outcome (i.e. a healthy baby at home with us.)  I find hope in EITHER outcome.  I know that, one year from now, we will be okay.  We will be stronger, happier, and more blessed in one year.  I know the road may not be easy, and I know the road may be wonderful.  Either way, I know that God is in control, and he has GOOD plans for us!   

With that said, I thought I would try to clarify my thought process.

I know there are two outcomes from this experience.  In one year, we will either have another beautiful child or we won't.  For me, it is easier to prepare for the latter.  If I get myself as prepared as possible to face the grief of losing my child, I know I will be able to switch on a dime, if we receive the opposite outcome. I will have no problems welcoming a new baby into this family.  That's what I've been preparing for and expecting for the past four and a half months. 

On the other hand, if I were to ignore the very real possibility that we will lose this baby, I would *not* be able to easily adapt to the opposite outcome.  If I only held on to the hope that we would receive a miracle, I would be completely blown away and shattered, if we lost our baby.

In conclusion (hee hee hee), I think it will be very easy to proclaim my faith and give glory to God in the outcome that I desire.  I know it will be infinitely harder to hold onto my faith and continue to give God the glory in the outcome that I don't want.  Therefore, I am praying for his guidance and his peace in the face of an outcome that I don't desire.  That doesn't mean I have ruled out his ability to bring an incredible outcome out of this situation and give me my heart's deepest desire.  :)   I still have all the hope in the world that God will heal my body and bring my baby healthily into this family.  I won't be shocked one single bit if God does that.  :)

In every way, all glory to Him!  I just wanted to assure you all that I'm the opposite of hopeless.  I feel very hopeful about my future, no matter what happens.