Regarding Hope

posted by lindsay on June 23rd, 2008

Hey everyone!

First I'll ask for you to forgive me for looking a bit unkempt. I don't have much motivation to get all "pretty." :) However, I wanted to post a couple of pictures. I'll tell you why after the pictures.

Okay, so why did I post the pictures? To show you all that I'm okay! And I haven't lost hope! :) So many of you have said, "Oh, it's so good to see you. You're doing so well. I just wanted to make sure you hadn't lost hope." So, I wanted to make sure that it's very clear to everyone: I am FULL of hope! I do not only find my hope in a "good" outcome (i.e. a healthy baby at home with us.) I find hope in EITHER outcome. I know that, one year from now, we will be okay. We will be stronger, happier, and more blessed in one year. I know the road may not be easy, and I know the road may be wonderful. Either way, I know that God is in control, and he has GOOD plans for us!

With that said, I thought I would try to clarify my thought process.

I know there are two outcomes from this experience. In one year, we will either have another beautiful child or we won't. For me, it is easier to prepare for the latter. If I get myself as prepared as possible to face the grief of losing my child, I know I will be able to switch on a dime, if we receive the opposite outcome. I will have no problems welcoming a new baby into this family. That's what I've been preparing for and expecting for the past four and a half months.

On the other hand, if I were to ignore the very real possibility that we will lose this baby, I would *not* be able to easily adapt to the opposite outcome. If I only held on to the hope that we would receive a miracle, I would be completely blown away and shattered, if we lost our baby.

In conclusion (hee hee hee), I think it will be very easy to proclaim my faith and give glory to God in the outcome that I desire. I know it will be infinitely harder to hold onto my faith and continue to give God the glory in the outcome that I don't want. Therefore, I am praying for his guidance and his peace in the face of an outcome that I don't desire. That doesn't mean I have ruled out his ability to bring an incredible outcome out of this situation and give me my heart's deepest desire. :) I still have all the hope in the world that God will heal my body and bring my baby healthily into this family. I won't be shocked one single bit if God does that. :)

In every way, all glory to Him! I just wanted to assure you all that I'm the opposite of hopeless. I feel very hopeful about my future, no matter what happens.

Comments

Amen!

Mon, 06/23/2008 - 22:22 — Kara

Amen sister about being hopeful! I do get it.. it makes sense!
I love these pictures. Ruby loves you so much :)
love ya,
k

Thank you for writing this post :-)

Mon, 06/23/2008 - 22:53 — Amy F.

I love this post letting us know how hopeful you are regarding either outcome, and your reasoning behind it. Your people thank you for the reassurance because we do worry about you. But you lay it out so clearly for us to understand where you're at with things. Thank you...I get it, I really do. Your thoughts make complete sense. I know I say it often, but you are so wise beyond your 20-something years, you really are.

The pictures are awesome...always great seeing you and Ruby loving on each other. Looks like you have a nice set-up going, considering. Your laptop is propped up somehow? Cool.

I love you, lady!

Hi Lindsay, this is your old

Mon, 06/23/2008 - 22:56 — Kristy Beis

Hi Lindsay, this is your old EC guide, I'll be stalking your blog and praying with you.

Ruby is adorable and you look absolutely wonderful! I am pulling for you and your Cuddlebug. Making it this far is so great, and miracles happen every day.

Have a restful evening and I'll check in tomorrow.

I get it...

Mon, 06/23/2008 - 23:51 — Renay

...and I'm so glad you shared. That really does make perfect sense. I'm so glad you are filled with hope. My patient tonight (see recent or upcoming post) said something really powerful and sense my memory is crap after 3 kids and 32 years of life, I'll do my best not to botch it up...

She said we may not know what tomorrow holds, but we know Who holds it.

I loved it. I thought of you instantly. I love the pics of you and Ruby cuddling and enjoying each other. Hey I didn't hear back from ya about lunch tomorrow (which might be today for you by now-as in Tuesday:-p )

Let me know if something sounds good-I'd love to bring it to you!

Your attitude is awesome.

Tue, 06/24/2008 - 00:54 — Amy

Your attitude is awesome. I'm like you-I believe God CAN do anything, but that doesn't neccesarily mean He will do what you want Him to do. You have so many people praying for you-people you don't even know personally, just over the interenet. & then I know you have been added to prayer lists of individuals as well-I added you at my bible study last week. So as you know whatever the outcome it is in His hands. I'm believing for a miracle that I can report back on in several weeks of the awesomeness of what God did for you & your little one.
Stay stong!

Good to see ya

Tue, 06/24/2008 - 02:33 — Rita

Lindsay it is so good to see you, I get where you are comming from with the *prepare for the worst, hope for the best* attitude and I am amazed everytime I visit your blog how honest and open you are about everthing happening to you right now.

Ruby is such a gem, and it's clear she loves her mommy. She is also a bit of the social butterfly like her mommy. (I saw her at church Sunday) She was working the crowd like a pro. You would have been proud.

I wanted you to know, you are on my mind often and in my prayers always.
Lots of Love.
Many (((((Hugs)))))
Rita

Thank you for sharing you

Tue, 06/24/2008 - 08:33 — ang m.

Thank you for sharing you thoughts and feelings. I am so proud and inspired by the woman you are.
i missed seeing you at church yesterday. i know you were on everyone's heart and mind. You could feel the loving power of prayer for you and Mike. I love the pictures of you and Ruby. She looks so happy.

Love ya!!!
Angela

Hi!

Tue, 06/24/2008 - 08:34 — Christi

Lindsay,

You look great! And you have such a wonderful outlook on everything. I know that you will be just fine! My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I Admire Your Strength

Tue, 06/24/2008 - 13:07 — Libby

Lindsay, I admire your strength and your outlook on your situation. I know that "things happen for a reason" and that we have no clue what God's plan is for us or those in our life. I hope that you continue to remain strong and positive. Attitude is everything when it comes to being in adverse times.