not to us

Okay, I've started this post at least a half a dozen times, but I don't know how to tell you what I want to tell you without sounding like I'm throwing myself a pity party.  It's just been one of those days.  The ones where I feel like a really bad mom/wife/woman.

I slept in this morning, instead of taking a shower.

I fed my daughter a chocolate chip cookie for breakfast.

I haven't bathed my son in more than 48 hours (which wouldn't be so bad, if he didn't have two layers of sunscreen on his little body.)

I talked too much (and probably didn't listen enough) during a meeting.

I raised my voice at Ruby during lunch, causing another little kid to stare at me in slight terror.  (But SERIOUSLY, Ruby was PAINTING HER CHAIR with KETCHUP!!!!!)

Then, I heard the other little girl's mom say, "We don't yell at our kids."  But it wasn't in that "I'm better than you" tone.  It was in an honest, "She's just not used to that" sort of tone.  It still made me feel like sh*t.  (There you go, Amy F.  There's my one cuss word in however many years of blogging.  But it really did.  It made me feel like total dog poop, because I raise my voice at Ruby a lot.  A lot. A lot.)

The boy puked on me as we walked out of the restaurant.  And I'm wearing a thin white shirt.  The puke was white and orange.  It's a good look.  I promise.  We still needed to pick up a few groceries.

He fell asleep in the car during the two minute drive over to Wal-Mart.  And, since we've switched his carseat, I had to wake him up to take him into the store.  He didn't cry at all.  He just gave me the most pitiful little eyes that said, "I'm tired, Mommy.  I skipped my morning nap for your meeting.  You should have quickly gotten groceries and taken me home to sleep instead of going out to lunch."

And then it was like I could hear Mike in those eyes, "You also should have gone home, because we're trying to save money this month."

As soon as we got in Wal-Mart, Ruby started telling me that she wanted to help push.  Trying not to be a maniacal woman on a mission to suck the fun out of the afternoon, I agreed to let Ruby get out of the cart and help me push.

Then I ran over her little toes in my haste.

She cried.  I almost cried.

Burke fell asleep in the little child seat, and, while I was getting a box of Pop-Tarts off the shelf, his body slumped over to the side and his little head bumped onto the hard metal part of the cart.

He cried.  I almost cried.

We checked out, and I stayed WAY under budget, even though I had to get diapers and wipes this week.  Yay!

We got home, and I unloaded our few groceries while Burke screamed (because he had fallen asleep again, and I had woken him up again) and Ruby whined (because it was nap time.)

I took Ruby to the potty, and got her down for nap.

Then, I went potty myself (and realized it was the first time today.)  Seriously.

Finally, I picked up the screaming boy and started to nurse him.

He stopped crying.  And I started.

I started Facebooking while I was nursing, and a friend messaged me.  His message said, "When are you going to give me some music?"  Because, you know, I promised him about two years ago that I would record a CD for him.  I still haven't.  See?  Not only am I a bad mom, I'm a really bad friend, too.

So, why did I tell you all of this?  I guess I just feel like today, someone out there needs to know that she's not alone.  She's not the only one.  We all have crap days.  But that doesn't mean we're bad moms.  It doesn't mean we're bad wives.  And it doesn't mean we're bad women.  It just means that we're actively participating in this thing called life.  Sometimes it whoops up on us.  But that's okay.

Because there's always a new day coming.  We can acknowledge the bad days for what they are, but there's no need to dwell on them or get discouraged.

This day was pretty bad up until about 3:00 p.m., but it's going to be better from here forward.  I'm going to spend a little time praying, singing, and listening to what God might be trying to tell me today.  I'm going to ask Him to show me how to finish out this day.  I'm going to salvage the rest of my hours, forgiving myself for the less-than-stellar job that I've done so far and encouraging myself toward the better-than-usual job that I'm going to do from here on out.

And tomorrow?  Well, tomorrow it's on.  :)

Lamentations 3:22-23 (The Message)

God's loyal love couldn't have run out,
his merciful love couldn't have dried up.
They're created new every morning.
How great your faithfulness!
I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).
He's all I've got left.

AMEN!!