not to us

I'm not talking about Ed McMahon, Michael Jackson, or Billy Mays.  I'm talking about Burke.

Have you ever heard of children who get so agitated that they pass out?  Well, Burke is one of those children.  It happened for the first time when he was about three months old.  We were visiting my parents, and we were out running errands.  It was time for a feeding, but there was no where to stop and nurse.  We strapped Burke in the car and headed home.  He cried so long and so hard that he stopped breathing, and, within about twenty seconds of not breathing, he passed out.  He quickly restarted breathing, but he stayed asleep until we got home.

For the past six months, however, we haven't seen another episode.  He's had a couple of times where he gets close to passing out, but I've always been able to get him to breathe again before he passes out.

That is, until now.  In the past four days, Burke has passed out twice.  On Wednesday, he did *not* want to get into his carseat to go to The Backyard at church.  That's fairly unusual, since he is generally a happy car passenger.  This night was a different story though.  He got so angry that he started screaming like a crazy baby.  Then, he did the no breathing thing.  I got him distracted and got him to take a breath, but then he remembered he was mad again.  He started screaming and stopped breathing again.  That time, his face started to turn purple, and I warned Anna that he was going to pass out.  Sure enough, his eyes slowly closed and he went to sleep.  He started breathing again and regained consciousness just a few seconds later.  He was totally calm after he "came back."

This evening, it happened again.  Burke *hates* to get his nose wiped or cleaned out.  It doesn't matter how we do it (with an aspirator or with a kleenex), the boy goes nuts.  This evening, he really went nuts.  He got so irritated that I could tell he was getting into "that mode".  I stopped cleaning his nose and tried to coax him out of the fit, but it didn't work.  He screamed louder and then stopped breathing.  About thirty seconds later, he was out.  His face turned blue, his eyes slowly closed, and, momentarily, he looked like a dead baby.

He regained consciousness just a couple of seconds later, and then he was completely calm again.

I have heard that this behavior actually runs in family, lending to the belief that it could be genetic and, therefore, unalterable.  One of Mike's cousins used to do this when he was a little boy, and his daughter now does the same thing, as well.  I've never heard of a baby as young as Burke doing it, though.

I generally handle really stressful times with a TON of peace and composure.  When my kids are really sick or their health is in great danger, it doesn't shake my psyche.  When Mike and I are under a lot of pressure, it doesn't cause me any fear or worry.

I'm not sure why I'm wired this way, but I am.

With that said, the sight of my son with a blue face frozen in a silent scream is one of the most terrifying scenes I've ever witnessed.  I hate when it happens.  Even though I seem totally sure and confident on the outside, my insides are screaming, "BREATHE!  Burke, BREATHE!  Please, sweet son, TAKE A BREATH!  DO NOT LEAVE ME!  DO NOT LEAVE ME!"

Just one short year ago, I was facing a more dire threat to his life, and I never felt a moment of panic.  These "spells" however, unnerve me greatly.  I don't think a child has ever died from them, but they still seem so traumatic.

Anyway, I'm rambling now, but I would just appreciate any prayers of healing you could send Burke's way.  I'd like him to always breathe.  It'd be a lot easier on my heartstrings!!!  :)