not to us

I like to talk.  I like to write.  I'm not too bad at either of those things.

In fact, there are a few times when I've been told I'm too good at the talking thing...told that I talk too much.  One specific time, I was approached by someone that I felt was a very good friend, and I was told that I was hampering others' ability to contribute to the conversation.  I was deeply affected, and I listened to her advice for several months.  Thankfully, after some time, I realized that she was a little off-base, and I regained my confidence to speak (and write) the words that were burning in my heart.

About a year ago, my journey with Burke started, and the readership for this blog multiplied ten times.  Now, a year later, we're steadily at three times the daily readership we had when we got pregnant with Burke.  Daily, I receive e-mails from people who are being impacted through this blog.  And, in real life, I have friends who have encouraged me about my speaking abilities.

Therein lies the rub.  I live in Lafayette, IN.  I'm a stay-at-home mom with a degree in Early Childhood Education.  Even if I was the best writer/speaker in my community (which I'm NOT), I would still only be a big fish in a little puddle.

I'll be the first to admit that I can lose sight of that.  I struggle with pride.  It's not that I feel better than other people.  It's just easy for me to be deceived into believing that I'm more important than I really am.

Therefore, I've decided to take myself out of the puddle and throw myself (without a life-preserver) into an ocean.  At the end of July, I'll be attending the Proverbs 31 Ministries' She Speaks Conference. God has brought this ministry and this conference to me in a hundred different ways over the past year.  A great friend of mine says that when God keeps echoing, you'd better listen.  (Thank you, Miss Kristy!)  I'm choosing to listen right now, no matter how intimdated I feel.

This is a huge step of faith for me.  Many of you know my thoughts about the Proverbs 31 Woman.  I'm considering expounding on my thoughts in the next couple of days.  For now, suffice it to say that I don't aspire to be like the Proverbs 31 Woman like a lot of Christian women.  For me to attend a conference sponsored by a ministry that structures themself around P31W's example is a big task.  Not only that, but there will be many more experienced and talented women there who will probably make my "skills" look like a silly hobby.

But I know this will be good for me.  I believe this conference will confirm, one way or the other, my calling.  I feel to the depth of my heart that I am supposed to be speaking to women, through spoken or written words.  But my heart has deceived me before.  Writing and speaking to women seems to be a rather glorified calling, and I don't want to aspire toward those roles for any reason other than God's calling, God planting a burning passion in me to see women turn their lives over to the God who loves them more than they could ever imagine.

I have seen other women aspire towards speaking and writing with the wrong motivations, and I do not want to allow Satan to deceive me in any way.  I can't wait to see what God shows me through this conference.

My mom may love my writing.  My best friend may treasure my words.  My husband may put up with my incessant ramblings.  And my pastor might trust me with the women's ministry.

But my heart longs to please and serve only one being: The God of the Universe.  I am begging Him to give me direction during this conference.  Please pray with me in that manner!  (Thank you, dear friends.  You are a treasure to me!)