not to us

Let's start with a poll.  Do you think I wore tape over my mouth today?

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The answer is yes.  From the moment I got out of bed this morning until we left the house at 10:30, I wore a piece of scotch tape across my lips.  Then, we went to the pool, to Target, and to lunch with Kyky and Aunt Kim.

When we pulled out of the parking lot after lunch, I was so encouraged.  I had spent the entire morning with my children, and not a single one of us had been ugly with each other.

I started by spending quite some time in prayer last night.  This is primarily a heart issue.  My daughter is not a Christian.  At this time, she has not made a decision to follow Jesus Christ and to surrender her life to him.  I cannot expect her to have the fruit of the Holy Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, self-control) when the Holy Spirit is not living in her.  

I have no excuse.  I claim to love and follow Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.  I have promised to surrender all I have and all I am so that others will know him.  I have the Holy Spirit living in me and offering to guide me every moment of every day.  It's simply a matter of choosing to surrender to His desires.

With Jesus Christ, I have the power to be loving, joyful, full of peace, patient, kind, gentle, and self-controlled.

The tape across my lips reminded me, every moment, to seek God's guidance for my thoughts, actions, and words.

When Ruby asked me about the tape across my lips, this is what I told her:

"Ruby, I love God.  I am so thankful that He sent His son, Jesus, to earth.  I am so thankful that Jesus died so that I can be friends with God.  Since I am God's friend, and since He has been such a good friend to me, I want my life to make Him happy.  I want everything I say and do to make God smile.  Sometimes, when I get upset, I forget about making God happy.  I use ugly words, and I speak in a mean voice.  I know that hurts your feelings, and I know that it makes God sad.

I don't want to do that anymore.  I want to show God how much I love him.  I want you to know how much I love you.

With this tape on my mouth, I cannot talk.  Whenever I want to talk, I will have to take the tape off my lips.  It will hurt a little bit, and it will take a moment for me to get it off.  With that time, I am going to remember that God wants me to use a kind and loving voice.  I'm going to remember that God has asked me to love others like He loves them.

Today, I am going to show you how much I love you."

I doubt she absorbed it all.  But I know that some of it sunk in, because she explained it all to Kyky at lunch.

I think the tape served as a visual reminder to her about her own choices.  She was more honest, respectful, kind, and loving today than she has been in quite some time.  At one point this morning, she started to yell at Burke.  She stopped in the middle of her yell and looked at me.  In a kind voice, she said, "Burke, I am so sorry that I yelled at you.  I love you.  I don't want you to stick that in the fan, please.  It makes a loud noise, and I think it's dangerous, too."

I won't lie.  I started crying.

I know that I will not be a perfect mother.  I know that, in 20 years, 30 years, 40 years, I will look back at this time and see things that I wish I would have done differently.  But I don't want that to stop me from doing *everything* I possibly can to be the absolute best follower of Jesus Christ that I can be today.

This is about more than being a good mother or wife.  I love Jesus Christ with every ounce of energy that exists in this pudgy body of mine.  I want my life, every single bit of it, to testify to that fact.

If it means I have to wear tape over my mouth for a few weeks or months, so be it.

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As a note, I didn't wear the tape during a playdate with a friend this afternoon.  And I should have.  Even after an entire morning of making good decisions and focusing on living a Spirit-led life, I blew it in the afternoon.  If I need the literal constant reminder of my responsibility to lean on the Holy Spirit, then I will use it.  If we get together for a playdate in the near future, and I show up wearing a piece of tape, don't be surprised.

I'm 27.  In less than a month, I'll be 28.  It's about time I take some drastic measures to eradicate sin where I see it in my life.

It's not about being an extremist.  It's not some prank or stunt.

It's about taking Jesus at his word.