Hello! My name is Lindsay, and I am a GREAT mom. :) I mean it. I love my kids with all of my heart. I would sacrifice anything (and everything) to give them the healthiest and most positive start in life. I hug them and kiss them at least once an hour. I tell them how much I love them multiple times a day. I make sure they have three satisfying meals each day. I read them books. I play hide and seek. I feed their baby dolls, build their block towers, and help them cook in their play kitchen. I make them laugh. I soothe their tears. I clean their bottoms and brush their hair.
I am an excellent mother. :)
I will continue to be an excellent mother for the rest of my life because of two facts: I love my children, and I desire the best for them.
But that doesn't mean I'm a good stay-at-home mom.
And here's where I'm about to draw a whole bunch of fire, I'm sure.
They are not my first priority.
They are not even my second priority.
They are third.
My first priority is to God.
My second priority is to my husband. Without him, my children would not be here. Without him, we would not have a full and happy home. Without him, I would be discouraged, lost, and unsupported. He is vital to our home. He is vital to their happiness and fulfillment. He is vital. And so, my second priority, after obeying and glorifying God, is to love my husband...fully and without reservation.
Which happens to be part of obeying God (my first priority):
22-24Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.
25-28Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor—since they're already "one" in marriage. (Ephesians 5:22-28, The Message)
And my children. They mean the world to me. I want the best for them. And I know that, in certain circumstances, I am not the best for them. Being a stay at home mom is not a commandment from God. I dare you to find it anywhere in the Bible. We are absolutely called to love our children and train them and teach them. But being a SAHM is not the only way to do that. And, for some people, it's not the best way to do that. Some women are better suited to be working moms. And that doesn't make them (me) any less important or any less valuable or any less effective as a godly mother.
Instead of finding a commandment to stay home with my children, I find commandments like these:
1-3 Children, do what your parents tell you. This is only right. "Honor your father and mother" is the first commandment that has a promise attached to it, namely, "so you will live well and have a long life." 4Fathers, don't exasperate your children by coming down hard on them. Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master. (Ephesians 6:1-4, The Message)
I cannot imagine how much I exasperate Ruby right now. I have high expectations for her. Some of my expectations are probably too high for her age. She's three...even if she talks like a five year old. It's hard for me to remember that. She's got some bad habits that I simply cannot stand. The worst part? She's learned them all from me! Plus, she's a *social* kid. Really social. Everyday, she wakes up and says, "Who are we going to play with today?" Unfortunately, the life of a stay-at-home child can be fairly lonely.
I don't know that I exasperate Burke yet. However, I firmly believe that he needs more input. He needs more books read to him and even more emphasis placed on language development. He needs a place where he can climb and crawl on soft climbing pads. He needs to interact with other kids his own age and witness them talking and using their words.
I know that preschool/daycare would be a huge benefit for my children at this stage in their lives. Preschool/Daycare settings provide opportunities and experiences that I simply cannot provide here at home. (Hello! I believe in structured professional Early Childhood Education! I spent four years getting educated in the field!!) :) I believe that a preschool/daycare setting is a tool that a parent can use to supplement their "training" regimen. It is by no means a replacement. (This could be a completely different blog post...and possibly will be.)
But on to even more important things:
18-20Jesus, undeterred, went right ahead and gave his charge: "God authorized and commanded me to commission you: Go out and train everyone you meet, far and near, in this way of life, marking them by baptism in the threefold name: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Then instruct them in the practice of all I have commanded you. I'll be with you as you do this, day after day after day, right up to the end of the age." (Matthew 28:18-20, The Message)
We are not only commanded to train up our children. We are commanded to "go out" and "train everyone [we] meet." This is where I fail the worst as a SAHM. We go out sometimes, but we only go out to friends' houses...Christian friends. When I look at my life and my children's lives, I realized that our sphere of impact is very, very, very small. We are not reaching people with the love of Christ, because everyone within our reach already knows the love of Christ. Unacceptable!
Certainly, there are ways to reach the community with the love of Christ while being a SAHM. I know several women who do it and do it well. I am not one of those women, though. I don't have the motivation to go get plugged into random parts of the community. And I know that motivation will not magically appear.
This is one of the main reasons that my children will go to public school. There are children and families in this community who need to know there's a God who loves them and offers hope. If my children are holed up in our house or a Christian-based homeschool cooperative or a Christian private school every day of the week, then how will our light shine? Where will we make an impact? Will I be motivated enough to seek out opportunities to reach out? Probably not. I know this about myself and my personality.
Instead, I will put my children in an automatic setting where they will be in constant contact with people who don't know the love of Jesus Christ. I will be involved with my children's school. I hope to have a home that's really fun during the after school hours. Good snacks and fun activities. :) I hope their friends will come here and feel a love that they can't describe...a love that will lead them to Christ.
That's the future, of course. It has very little bearing on the present, aside from the fact that we're often holed up at home or a Christian friend's house...making very little difference in the community around us. And that's not okay.
And, finally, Christ says this:
28-30Jesus replied, "Yes, you have followed me. In the re-creation of the world, when the Son of Man will rule gloriously, you who have followed me will also rule, starting with the twelve tribes of Israel. And not only you, but anyone who sacrifices home, family, fields—whatever—because of me will get it all back a hundred times over, not to mention the considerable bonus of eternal life. This is the Great Reversal: many of the first ending up last, and the last first." (Matthew 19:28-30, The Message)
Jesus Christ himself said that some people will be called away from their family in order to follow him. I believe he's actually talking about people choosing to follow Christ over pleasing their non-believing families. He's using the extreme example. Turning away from the family is not a pre-requisite of following Christ. It goes against many of his other commandments. It's simply a reminder that following Christ, fulfilling his commandments, is more important than pleasing our families. I'm glad that they can also be done simultaneously. :)
For me, personally, I know (know, know, know, know, know) that I am called to do something in addition to being a wife and mother. I think I know the specifics of that calling, but I'm not quite ready to share that in this forum. Mike and I are still praying about and discussing the specifics. However, I know that I am called outside of this house. Called by God. To be outside of this house.
I believe that God will provide for this calling. I believe that he will protect my children while they are under someone else's care. I believe that he will help me continue to nurture and guide my children and be their mother...even while I pursue his calling outside of the home. I believe that God loves my children, and, therefore, would not call me to something that would be detrimental for them. :)
My mom worked outside of the home. And I thank God everyday that she did. She would have driven us nuts with her detailed plans and schemes. And we would have driven her nuts with our lack-luster enthusiasm for such plans. :) Instead, she spent 40 hours of her week impacting the healthcare community. She was a dedicated worker who embodied Colossians 3:23-24. She met coworkers, patients, and providers who saw a difference in her. She has been able to love other people with the love of Christ...because she was at work...where they were...not at home...where they were not. And every morning and evening? I got to benefit from her love. And every weekend? I got to benefit from her love. And even during those 40 hours? I always, always knew that I came before work. No question. If I was sick, hurting, or needing her in any way, then she was there...no questions asked. My mom was able to show me the love of Christ and train me up in the way I should go...even while she worked out of the home. She's proof that some godly women are called to work outside the home.
I have been called outside of this home. And that makes me a really horrible stay-at-home mom. Staying at home would be disobedient, and it would fail, because I would be doing it all out of my own strength. Instead, I desire obedience. I desire to be right where God is. And for me, at this time, I know that he's asking me to come meet him and work with him out there. So I'm getting really antsy to go! Now! Which makes staying home even more challenging.
But I won't rush. I will exercise patience. And I can't wait to see how it all turns out. :)
Do you like us? Well? Do ya? Do ya?
Love Mercy
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