not to us

In our living room, we have a wall.  (Shocking, I know!)

Anyway, this wall is sort of a focal point in the room.  It is the longest wall, and it's got two windows.  It is directly across from the entrance to the room, so it's the first thing you see when you walk in.  The large couch is now on this wall, and the space above the couch just sort of screams, "LOOK AT ME!"

For the past several weeks (probably a couple of months by this point), that space on the wall has been filled with a few pieces of construction paper, some post-it notes, and a map of the world.  All together, they say this:

                                                             4,500,000,000
                                                         WHAT WILL YOU DO?

                      Matthew 28:18-20                                                   Matthew 9:35-38
                                                            (map of the world)
                                John 14:12-15                                        Romans 5:6-8
                                                                                            1 John 3:16-18

 
The actual text of the scriptures are written out below the references on the construction paper.  You might have seen it in some of our pictures.  It looks like this:

I put it up on the wall when we were in the middle of the RADICAL series.  I knew that, once the series was finished, it would be easy for me to fall back into my normal, comfortable, wasteful, and American habits.  When I questioned myself, I realized that the biggest temptation for me to waste my money is with home decor.  I also realized that the biggest temptation for me to waste my time is with the computer/internet.  

There are 4.5 billion people in the world who do not have a relationship with Jesus Christ.  1.5 billion people have never even heard of him.  I don't want to allow myself to waste money *or* time without facing those realities on a regular basis.

So I put a big, fat, undeniable reminder up in the middle of my living room.  It's the room where I spend the most time and, consequently, waste the most time.  Now, whenever I'm in this room, I have to face the reality of 4.5 billion people headed to hell and Jesus' commands regarding those people.  If I'm going to spend some time on the internet, I have to ask myself if there's anything God has asked me to do on behalf of those 4.5 billion people first.

It's been a huge motivator for me.  It's been a great catalyst for my passion.

Tonight, however, it could have been a huge obstacle.  It could have been a big, fat slap in the face to visitors in our home.

We had about 20 of Mike's co-workers and their family members over for a cookout tonight.  Halfway through the day, Mike e-mailed me to ask me what I thought about The Wall.

My first reaction was this:

"I don't give a *dang* who sees that wall.  I want it to start conversation.  I want it to challenge the status quo.  I want it to make a statement."

My second reaction was this:

"Hey, God?  What do You think about The Wall?"

And I spent about a half an hour listening to God's answer.

He reminded me that this particular thing is for me, and, possibly, for Mike.  This is a personal conviction for me to look at the stark realities multiple times each day, whether I want to or not.  He reminded me of Pastor Viars' sermons from the past couple of weeks.  He reminded me of 1 Corinthians 8:9-13.  He reminded me that some of our visitors don't share my beliefs.  He pricked my soul and made me think about how that wall would make them feel.  He asked me if that wall would make them feel loved or judged or pitied.  He asked me if I honestly thought The Wall would bring a single person in my home this evening closer to Him.  He reminded me that some of our visitors do share my beliefs.  He pricked my soul and asked me if I would have been ready/prepared to see that message six months ago?  A year ago?  Two years ago?  He asked me if I would have been receptive or defensive.

My final reaction was this:

I cried a little bit, when I realized how self-righteous my initial reaction had been.  I repented for my selfish and misguided intent.  I removed the papers from The Wall.  Each time I peeled a piece of tape, I prayed for one of the people who would come through our doorway tonight.  I prayed that God's presence would fill this home.  I prayed that they would feel welcome, loved, and cared for.  I prayed that the food would fill their stomachs.  I prayed that the friendship would fill their hearts.  I prayed that my attitude would be proof of the fact that Jesus Christ changes lives...that He has changed my life.  I prayed that my words and actions would be proof of the fact that Jesus Christ changes me daily from a self-centered, self-righteous brat into a loving, selfless servant of others.

The papers came off The Wall, but my Bible stayed on the side table.  I took the map down, but my current book stayed out on the coffee table.

And when it was all said and done?  I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it was the right decision.  I am not, for even a moment, ashamed of the Gospel or of Jesus Christ.  I am, however, aware of what an enormous responsibility I've been given as a witness of the Gospel.

In college, my brother-in-law had a quote in his AIM profile.  (Oh, yeah baby, we were kickin' it old school.)  It said, "No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care."

It has stuck with me for nine years now.  I think about that quote all the time.  It is my prayer that, tonight, 20+ people could tell how much I care about them.  It is my prayer that, for the rest of my life, I will put others before myself...living the Gospel way more often than I preach it.

Obviously, I'm not there yet.  My first reaction is full proof of that fact.  But my desire is to be a woman whose heart is in line with the heart of her Creator more and more everyday.  Today, I spent some time in prayer.  I talked a little.  I listened a lot.  And I found my heart changed.

Thank you, God, for leading me and guiding me, everyday and every moment, to love You and to love others the way You love them.

 "This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn't go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person's failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him. (John 3:16-18, The Message)

 This is how we've come to understand and experience love: Christ sacrificed his life for us. This is why we ought to live sacrificially for our fellow believers, and not just be out for ourselves. If you see some brother or sister in need and have the means to do something about it but turn a cold shoulder and do nothing, what happens to God's love? It disappears. And you made it disappear.  My dear children, let's not just talk about love; let's practice real love. This is the only way we'll know we're living truly, living in God's reality. It's also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it. For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves. (1 John 3:16-18, The Message)