not to us

Since Thursday, May 27th, my life has been at a crisis point.  I'm sure that sounds dramatic and extreme, but try on a couple of these stats about the past nine days of my life:

*  I have lost 10 lbs. in 9 days.

*  I have slept an average of three hours a night, and by sleep I mean that I fall asleep and wake up about once an hour, praying that God will heal the situation. 

*  I have rarely gone more than two consecutive hours without crying, whether awake or asleep.

*  My children have noticed the stress in our household, and their behavior has steadily declined over the past few days.  Several times, my daughter has reminded me, "Mommy, you need to take deep breaths to stop crying.  This will be okay."

*  Worst?  Mike and I have deeply questioned and doubted some of the most important relationships in our lives: to the point that, at very weak times, we have strongly considered walking away from them forever.

So, what is the cause of this crisis?

Sin.

Selfishness, jealousy, unloving attitudes, and a spirit of division culminated in an action that deeply wounded some very innocent people during the most exciting time of their entire life.

Worse?  It could have been avoided.

If the sin had been faced head-on long ago (most probably spanning back at least two years), this would have never happened.  Instead, the sin was ignored/tolerated long enough that it erupted and caused quite a fracture in the family of God.

And my first instinct was to charge at that sin with all my heart, with all my strength.  To see the hurt and pain it caused was unbearable.

Instead of going with my sinful gut instinct, I have run to God over the past few days.  I have begged Him for clarity and direction.  And He has led me to this:

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged.  For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.  Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?  You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."  ~Jesus, Matthew 7:1-5

So, when my tendency has been to judge others and their behaviors over the past nine days, God has been reminding me to look at my own life.  Am I living up to His standard?  Am I fulfilling His most important commands?

"Teacher, what is the greatest commandment in the Law?"  Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'  All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." ~Jesus, Matthew 22:36-40

Jesus was saying that everything and anything of true importance is wrapped up in these two commandments.  Why?  Because of this:

"I'm praying not only for them
but also for those who will believe in me
because of them and their witness about me.  
The goal is for all of them to be one heart and one mind -
Just as you, Father, are in me and I in you,
So they might be one heart and mind with us.
Then the world might believe that you, in fact, sent me.
The same glory you gave me, I gave them,
so they'll be as unified and together as we are - 
I in them and you in me.
Then they'll be mature in this oneness,
and give the godless world evidence
that you've sent me and loved them 
in the same way you've loved me."  ~Jesus, praying for us in John 17:20-23 (The Message) 
(emphasis added by me)

Stated another way, these two commandments are of UTMOST importance because of this:

"A new command I give you: Love one another.  As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  By this all men will know you are my disciples, if you love one another." ~Jesus, John 13:34-35

The ultimate purpose in this life is for everyone to know that God loves them and that Jesus Christ has come to die for their sins.  The goal is to be of one heart and one mind so that the world will believe that God sent Jesus Christ.  The goal is to be mature in oneness, so that we will have evidence that God sent Jesus Christ.

How does this ultimate goal relate to the greatest commandments?  Just like this:

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, wholly and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues, put on love, which binds them all together in unity."  Colossians 3:12-14

True love, the kind of sacrificial love that Jesus displayed when he hung on a cross for my sins, is the only thing that is strong enough to bind things together in unity.

And unity is IMPERATIVE.

Because unity, complete and total love for each other, is the only way that the world will know that God has sent Jesus Christ.  Sacrificial love leads to complete oneness, and that oneness is the evidence of the fact that God sent Jesus and that God loves the people in this world.

If we, as a Christian family, cannot love each other, put each other above ourselves, seek peace, and live in a way that testifies for Christ, then what hope do we have of living a radically sacrifical life for complete strangers?  What hope do we have of living a radically sacrificial life for our enemies, the poor, the desperate, and the world?

I want to be a witness for Jesus Christ to the ends of this earth.  I want my life to scream that Jesus Christ is worthy of anything and everything.  I want people to look at my life and see Jesus Christ.  I want to be invisible.  I want Him to be glaringly obvious.

But the Bible says that "If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.  If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, 'Jump,' and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing.  If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere.  So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love."  1 Corinthians 13:1-3 (The Message)

And love?

"Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end."  1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (The Message)

And so, as much as I would like to try to vindicate myself and pay someone back for the level of pain and suffering I have felt over the past nine days, God demands something radically different.  God demands that I remember the two most important commandments: to love Him and to love others.

And He demands that I evaluate myself before I evaluate anyone else.

You can find my evaluation here.