not to us

No matter how terrible or wonderful you feel, you're probably wrong.  :)  How do you like that?  You come here for a bit of encouragement, and I tell you that you're wrong right off the bat.  Well, I'm doing it for your own good, please believe me.  :)

Your head is a dangerous place.  The thoughts that fly around in there are tricky little buggers.  The more you think them, the bigger they get.  Their growth is exacerbated by the amount of exclusive thought-time they receive.  When you think a thought, then give your input on that thought, and then give even more input on that thought...it just grows and grows and grows.

However, if you say the thought outloud, it often gains clarity.  One way or another, you realize the truth (or ridiculousness) of the thought.  Even better, if you express the thought to a trusted and wise second-party, the thought gains ever further clarity.

So, if you're spending significant thought-time on a certain thought, I think you should talk about it.

But be wise!  Be choosy!  Be careful who you talk to!

The right person can bring clarity, give encouragement, and support you.

The wrong person can bring further confusion, increase discouragement, and pull you down.

Here are some guidelines for a possible second party:

1.You should know him/her very well.  If you've had the opportunity to get to know this person, witness them in several different situations, and learn about their life, then you will have a better foundation on which to base their opinions, wisdom, and advice.

2. S/he should know you very well.  If you've only known someone for a week, they probably can't give you a very balanced opinion on your situation.  If, however, you've known someone for many years and they've witnessed you in many different types of situations, they should be able to give you a well-rounded opinion.

3. S/he should be someone you trust and respect.  If you voice your thoughts and concerns to a person who shows very little wisdom in their own life, it doesn't stand to reason that they will be able to give you any wisdom about your life.  If, however, you talk with someone whose life you wouldn't mind to model, their wisdom and advice is very likely to be encouraging and helpful to you.

4. S/he should be someone who isn't afraid to speak truth.  If you're thinking crazy thoughts, then you really want to talk with someone who isn't afraid to say, "Girl!  You crazy!"  :)  If you're just talking with a "Yes Man" or "Yes Woman" than it isn't much different than continuing to think the thoughts in your head and get your own input.

I also think it's important to talk it out on a regular basis.  If you only talk with someone once every six months, then it's a sure bet that many thoughts have already gone hay-wire in your noggin.  If, instead, you are talking on a weekly basis, then it's less likely for thoughts to get out of control.  And you may need to be talking with a couple of people on a regular basis.  Talk with your spouse often.  Talk with your best friend often.  Talk with a mentor (this could be a parent or an older friend or a spiritual leader) often. 

Anytime that I start to feel as though I am a terrible mom, I just have to say it outloud.  Firstly, the minute I say it outloud, I realize how ridiculous it is.  I love my kids!  :)  And I sacrifice for them on a daily basis.  I am a good mom.  And my rational mind knows that.  But it's even better if I say it to someone trusted who knows me very well.  Whenever I let Mike know that I'm feeling that way, he reassures me of my value and how much he loves me.  When I tell my mom that I'm feeling that way, she reminds me that she's proud of the woman I've become.  They help me gain a clearer picture of myself.

On the other end of the spectrum, they can also help me get a more accurate view of myself when I'm feeling a little too big for my britches.  I'm lucky to have a husband and a very good friend who aren't afraid to speak truth to me.  Either to tell me that I'm crazy or that I'm getting a bit too proud or arrogant.

Talking it out is good.  And if you're honest while you talk it out, it's *really* good.  :)

So, go ahead...get talking!  Even if it's hard to voice the thoughts you've been thinking, it's necessary.  You might be surprised how much clearer your head feels and how much better your heart feels.  :)