not to us

I can't get away from it, and I'm struggling.

I wake up in the morning, thanking God, profusely, for givng Jesus Christ on my behalf and having a relationship with me.  I wash and dry the laundry, thanking God that we have clothes and clean water in which to wash them.  I fold and put away the laundry, thanking God that we have a home in which to find shelter.  I prepare lunch then clean it up, thanking God that we have food for today and plenty for tomorrow. 

At the end of the day, I lay my head down and seek sleep.

But sleep won't come.

Instead, I think about 30,000 children who die each day from starvation or lack of basic medical care.  I think about their parents.

And the tears come freely.

Sleep doesn't escape me because of sadness over poverty.  Sleep evades me, because I can't get over the fact that nearly all of those children die without ever hearing the name of Jesus Christ.  This knowledge chases sleep away, then haunts my dreams when sleep finally comes.

We watched the third sermon (The Gospel Demands Radical Compassion) on Sunday.

Supernatural awareness of the condition of the lost?  I've been getting it, more and more, for the past two years.  And now it's getting intense...like a constant fire in my heart.  Have you ever had severe heartburn or a gallbladder attack?  It's just like that.  All day long.  Except it's spiritual.  It's a fierce realization that over 5 billion people alive today do not know Jesus Christ.  They are headed for hell, and the time is urgent.

Sacrificial obedience to the commission of Christ?  I've been getting it, a little bit, for the past two years.  A very, very, very, very tiny little bit.  And now?  I'm completely unsatisfied with the amount of effort and energy I'm exerting in order to make sure that every person in the world is told how much God loves them, how much Jesus Christ sacrificed for them, before they die.

I'm completely and utterly unsatisfied.  Disgusted with my lack of concern for the lost up to this point.  I know, to the depth of who I am, that Christ *cannot* look on my life with joy if I'm showing absolutely no concern for letting more people know about him.

And I'm being changed...radically.

(All of the following based on the sermon and Matthew 9:35 - 10:42)

Jesus beckons us to pray.  Jesus calls us to go.

Instructions:

Go to great need: to the diseased, to the dying, to the despised, to the dirty. As you go to great need, you will learn to trust His provision.

Go to great danger: foolish as sheep, smart as snakes, pure as doves.  As you go into great danger, you will learn to depend on His power.

You will be be betrayed.  You will be hated.  You will be persecuted.

Fear will tempt you. The Father will take care of you.

See with an eternal perspective.  Speak with a holy boldness.  Sacrifice with reckless abandonment.

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And this is where I'm struggling.

Struggle #1 - I'm willing to go.  Right now.  I'll sell it all, cut ties, and I'll go.  I'll go right now.  The workers are few...but I'll no longer be a part of the lack of workers.  I will be a part of the few workers.  However, I have responsibilities and commitments that make this impossible right now. 

Struggle #2 - Remember how I said I can't get away from it?  I think about this all the time.  This has become my single focus in life: to find ways to spread the message of Jesus Christ and to encourage others to live the same way. 

Enter the struggle.

David Platt tweeted this today: "No matter what we say/sing on Sunday morning, rich people who neglect the poor are not the people of God."

And I would add, "No matter what we say/sing on Sunday morning, saved people who have a relationship with Jesus Christ and refuse to share it with others or shy away from sharing it with others (at all costs) are not the people of God."

I think he would agree, and I think the Word of God speaks pretty clearly on this subject.

See with an eternal perspective?  Check.

Speak with a holy boldness?  Oh, hold up.  I'm supposed to say this stuff to other people?  I'm supposed to put this in front of them at every turn?  I'm supposed to keep speaking these truths, no matter how uncomfortable it gets?

Sacrificie with reckless abandonment?  Um, well, reckless doesn't fit with my personality.  I don't do anything recklessly.  I just don't do it.  And my husband?  Well, he's even LESS reckless than me...far less reckless.  Drop everything and become a missionary?  With all of my heart I want to do that right now.  No joke.  But what will everyone think?  What will my parents say?  Can we really sell both our houses?  Because one is ridiculously small and the other one has a foundation problem? 

And?  I'm just a girl.  Does God call girls to things like this?

Because the IMB says, "The majority of wives are appointed in the role of community and home outreach. In many situations, the wives take on the responsibility of providing for the home and the education of their children. The community and home outreach assumes that the wives will also find a significant and meaningful area of ministry outside the home. At the same time they are able to limit that involvement when there are family responsibilities that need to be handled. This provides for the best of both worlds: the opportunity to dedicate time and energy on family needs while at the same time having a significant involvement in the ministry on the field. Consultants can offer additional information on job roles including situations where the couple does not have children on the field and the wife desires to fill a specific job request."

And God says, "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."

So does He ever say, "Hey, husband, your wife is onto something here.  I'm speaking to her.  I'm calling her.  And I'm calling you, too."?

Or am I just crazy?  Am I just a silly emotional woman? 

Like I said, I'm struggling...