not to us

I actually wanted the title to say this:

All the Single Ladies *and* Gents

but I can't use strikeout in the title, and I wanted to use a phrase that would rank high on Google, because I hope every man and woman reads this post.

Mike and I went to see This Means War as part of our date tonight. Mike thought it was a good flick. (I think they won him over with gun scenes and big explosions.) ;) Unlike my husband, I left the theater with a heavy heart.  I proceeded to embarrass him by getting weepy over dinner at (you guessed it) Texas Roadhouse.

Let me give you a brief synopsis of this action/romance (Beware: I must disclose the ending, creating a spoiler):

2 CIA Agents are best friends. They shoot guns, drive fast cars, and make big explosions happen.

Tuck is a good guy, lookin' for love. FDR (yes, that's his name) is a playboy, lookin' for a good time.

Then they fall for the same girl. Tuck really likes her. FDR's interested, too, and his machismo makes him sure that the girl will choose him over Tuck.

So they agree to compete with each other to win the girl.

It's all very entertaining, and, in the end, Lauren converts FDR from a playboy into a devoted lover. She decides that Tuck is just too safe, too predictable, and FDR "makes her a better woman."

Cut tape. End reel.

Hold. Up.

Ladies.

(And men, you can go ahead and listen up, too.)

Hollywood Love sucks. 

When I was a teenager, my dad took me on a "date." We saw some chick flick romance, and, walking out of the theater, he gave me some incredible insight and advice.

"Honey," he said. "Love in the movies is nice. I remember going to those movies when I was younger and leaving the theater wishing I had a love like that. Then I met your mom. And I've never left the theater wishing for 'love like that' since. Loving your mom is so much better than the movies."

And that was music to a teenage daughter's ears, whether she wanted to admit it or not.  Knowing that the love her mom and dad shared was better than the movies was awesome. But she only kind of believed him. Could real-life love really be better than Hollywoood Love?

I grew up some more. I dated a few guys and thought I loved a couple of them. I walked out of the theaters holding their hands and hoping that one day I'd have a 'love like that'."

Then I met my husband. In college. He was shy. He spent more time playing the guitar by himself in the corner than talking to girls or grabbing the crowd's attention. He studied hard, and he studied a lot. He put his education first and everything else next. He treated me with aggravating respect. He held my hand when I wanted him to kiss my lips. He kissed my lips only after politely asking for my permission. 

One day, I got tired of his safety. Tired of his respect. I pushed my boundaries and broke his trust.

And then he did the most respectful, most loving, and most dangerous thing he could have done:

He forgave me.

He has continued to forgive me and love me selflessly for the past ten years, and I have never, ever regretted his safe and predictable nature since. I have learned from him and grown into a better woman because of him. He has shown me God's character, how to love like God loves.

Real life love.

That's why Hollywood Love gives me a heavy heart. It distorts true love. It makes true love look boring, weak, and inferior. But it's not. It's so much more...

Dear Single Ladies, (and Single Gents,)

You don't want FDR. Yes, he's good-looking, and he's exciting. He's also selfish and unreliable. Hard to predict, unlikely to truly love you. And you can't change him.

You don't want the female version of FDR. Yes, she's hot, and she gives you a thrill. She's also vain and incomprehensibly insecure. Fickle and irrespectful. You can't change her.

Don't get me wrong: You're incredible. You are absolutely worthy of giving and receiving love. You're worth someone changing their ways on your behalf. But this isn't Hollywood. 

Don't fall for it. When you're out there looking for your future mate, don't settle for the butterflies, thrills, and chills.

Look for the person who reminds you the most of Jesus. Sure, they aren't going to be perfect, but you should see glimpses. Respect for God. Love for others. A selfless aproach to life.

Not that they're perfectly doing all of these things, but that these things are their goals...what they're working toward.

If you find yourself falling for someone who doesn't exhibit these qualities and has no desire to exhibit these qualities, please move on.  Protect your heart and believe in God's ability to give you real-life love that puts the movies to shame.

Because He can. And He will.

Heck, He might even bring you a reformed FDR. But only He can do the reforming. Try not to lose sight of that very important component.

In the meantime, make sure you're allowing God to work on you and help you become the person you need to be in order to give and receive real-life love.

Don't lose hope. :) Real-life love is out there. And you deserve nothing less.

Married Ladies, (and Married Gents,)

You are so lucky. You have officially exited "the field." And, oh! What a relief to not be playing that game anymore!

Maybe you don't feel like it. Maybe you fell for Hollywood's version of love. Or maybe life has simply gotten so busy and full that you don't much think about love anymore.

Whatever position you find yourself in, please take a moment today and stop to think about love. Think about whether you're living out God's love within your marriage. If you're not, no biggie. Don't waste anytime regretting it. Just start now. Start today.

Forgive every chance you get. Put him first. Put her first. Love selflessly.

When you feel like you can't anymore, ask God to give you more of His wisdom, His Spirit. You're gonna mess up. Don't dwell on it, just love better the next time. :)

Remember to be thankful for it. It's pretty incredible, that God allows us to experience a glimpse of His love here on Earth. :)