May 15, 2008 "The Office" quotes

Plot (Don't read if you haven't watched yet)

Toby is leaving the office for good.  Michael wants to plan a big party.  Toby has to train a new HR woman.  Pam gets accepted into design school.  The new girl thinks that Kevin is mentally handicapped, and he doesn't do anything to make her think otherwise.  Ryan gives Jim a hard time, but Jim decides to fight back.  Ryan gets arrested for fraud, and it's on YouTube.  Toby's party is pretty big.  Jan is pregnant!  Andy proposes to Angela, right before Jim was going to ask Pam.  As the show closes, Phyllis walks in on Angela and Dwight getting down in the office with the lights off.  Yuck!

Quotes 

• "We have a butter cream cake and a slideshow of Toby.  But so far we only have two photos of Toby." (Angela talking about Toby's party)
• "Lately she's been sending me nine or ten checks a year" (Michael talking about his crazy grandmother sending him birthday cards)
• "That is the first time I've ever used the word perfect in here." (Pam talking about design school)
• "She stinks with her....ways...and her....head." (Dwight talking about the new HR person)
• "We need to sell her an elevator pass" (Michael planning to mess with the HR person)
• "He tortored me with his awfulness" (Michael talking about Toby)
• "Not all monsters are bad...like ET." (Michael saying stupid stuff about the new HR lady)
• "Hazing is a fun way to show a new employee that she is unwelcome and not liked." (Dwight to new HR rep after telling her that Kevin is mentally hanidcapped and part of a special employee program)
• "I am downloading some......n......3........p........music" (Michael to Jim)
• "Love at first see....with my ears" (Michael about the HR lady, Holly)
• "I like pretzels, but I really like chips." (Kevin trying to decide what to eat)
• "I am now his cruise director, and my name is Captain Bruisin." (Michael talking about the exit interview with Toby)
• "Suck on this!" (The rock that Michael gave Toby)
• "Who thought it would be hysterical to give Toby a rock?...You did...You had me write it." (Michael and Dwight)
• "The real crime I think...was the beard" (Oscar after explaining how Ryan got arrested for fraud)
• "Holly is sweet and simple, like a lady baker.  I'm pretty sure that she's baked on a professional level." (Michael)
• "That's what she....a lot of places are like that." (Michael showing restraint)
• "I've done 'Beers in Heaven' and 'Total Ecclipse of the Fart'." (Michael on stage at the party)
• "You cheated on me, when I specifically asked you not to?" (Michael to Jan)
• "I'm going to be...kind of a daddy." (Michael talking about Jan's pregnancy)