not to us

I don't even know where to begin with this post.  There have been so many thoughts rumbling through my head over the past few weeks, and I'm trying to make sense of them through prayer, meditation, discussion, etc.  Here goes nothing...

Several years ago, Lindsay and I helped lead a Christian summer camp called "Super Summer" for the state of Indiana.  We were in college at the time.  Before this camp I was blindly following the American dream.  I had been extremely selfish with my future plans:

• I wanted to obtain the highest degree possible out of pride.
• I wanted to make the most money possible out of greed.
• I wanted to have an impressive job title so that others would view me as successful.
• I wanted to have a happy, stable family to prove how responsible and mature I was.
• I wanted to drive a Dodge Viper so that everyone would think I was cool.

Notice the clear lack of God in any of those plans.  Sure I would say that I was serving God at that time, but it was a very shallow level of dedication.  Wanting a degree, money and family was not inherently bad.  However, the reasons that I wanted those things was definitely sinful.  During the week long camp, God began to show me how selfish I had been.  Having believed myself to be a "strong" Christian, I was humbled by the realization of my pride, greed and selfishness.  After brewing over these thoughts and having discussions with Lindsay, I came to the conclusion that I was "called" to full-time ministry of some sort.  At the time I was thinking that it would be in the realm of musical worship since I had helped lead music at the camp that week...coupled with the fact that Lindsay is an amazing singer and "lead worshipper" (I know that's a Christian catch-phrase, but I can't think of anything else).

I really struggled with telling anyone about this decision, but I decided to tell my whole church family the next Sunday.  I felt as though I was ready to give everything I had for God on that day, whatever it looked like.  However, as time went on, my desire and motivation to attend seminary and pursue full-time ministry waned.  I thought that perhaps God had used that summer only to check my motivations and heart, not to actually alter my career path.  I was still trying to pursue a high degree, good job and happy family, but I was trying to do so to glorify God...not appease my selfish yearnings...or so I thought.

Fast forward to April 2010.  On the surface, I have it all together:

• I have a Masters degree in Chemistry.
• I have a great wife and two beautiful children.
• My marriage is stable and happy.
• I live in a big, nice house that I got for a good price.
• I have good health.
• I have a well-paying, stable job with a growing company.
• I have lots of friends from work and church.
• I serve at my church in both worship music and media.
• I don't struggle with alcohol, drugs, etc.
• We have no credit card or school debt.

I was pretty content with my life...Then enter David Platt and his "Radical" sermon series.  Our family group at church met at our house to watch the first sermon of the series.  (As an aside, if you are a professing Christian, I implore you to set apart an hour of time to watch that video...I think that it's the most powerful message that I have ever heard preached, and it has changed me.)  Platt's words hit me like a ton of bricks.  I realized that although my life was great on the surface, I was failing miserably in what really matters:

• I have led exactly ZERO people to faith in Jesus.
• I give ZERO time to serve the poor and needy in my community.
• I give a very small amount of money to help the poor and needy.
• I spend hundreds of dollars a month on food I don't need while people around the world literally die of starvation.
• I spend thousands of dollars on my children's healthcare while nearly 2,000 African children per day die of easily preventable malaria.
• I struggle with even mentioning my faith to my co-workers.
• I have gone on ZERO mission trips in the past six years.
• I have done nothing to help share the gospel with literally billions of lost people around the world.
• I struggle with reading God's word on a regular basis.
• I struggle with pride, lust and selfishness.
• I am consumed with getting a higher job title at work (for prideful reasons).

That is simply nothing to be proud of.  These are the fruits of the selfish life I have led over the past few years.  Although I wanted to ignore it, my life was lacking any evidence of true faith in Jesus.  God used Platt's sermon to open my eyes to these realities.  As such, I've been re-evaluating both my actions and my motivations...trying to live a life that more clearly demonstrates a love for Christ:

• I have started to view my work as a mission field again.  I know that God wants me to impact the people that I work with, and I have simply ignored that calling.  I'm thinking about starting some sort of Bible study with co-workers and encouraging the professing Christians to watch these sermons as well.
• Lindsay and I are nearly complete with our foster parent training.  As we have gone through the classes I have felt a great passion for helping the needy children of our community.  I want to show them and their biological parents the love of Christ so that they can also impact other families in our community.
• We are making a conscious decision to save money in every way possible.  We are eating out less, looking to get a cheaper vehicle, etc.  This is not so that we can save up money for retirement, school, a rainy day, etc.  We are rather looking for ways to invest our money in God's kingdom...helping Compassion International, needy families in our community, missions organizations, etc.  We can no longer hoard money for ourselves or waste money on meaningless things while people are literally starving to death every day.
• We are actively planning on going on mission trips...potentially to India in the fall.

While I feel like I'm reaching a more genuine level of faith, I also have concerns that I'm continuing to work through.  In Platt's sermon he covers the story of the rich man that asks Jesus what he must do to inherit eternal life.   Jesus tells him to sell everything that he has and give the money to the poor.  The man realizes that he is unable to give it all up for Christ and turns away as a result.

I've been thinking about what that might look like in my own life.  If God asked me to give certain things up, would I be able to?  For example, Lindsay has been tossing around the idea of being full-time missionaries lately.  I must admit that this proposition scares the crap out of me.  Before our parents freak out...I don't know if we're supposed to or not, but for the moment let's assume that we are supposed to be full-time missionaries.  It would be very difficult for me to give up my easy American way of living.  I like my job, financial situation, family life, friends, etc.  I think that I like them too much.  I find too much joy in them and not enough joy in Christ!  Take the example even further...Let's say that God wanted us to be missionaries in a country that was hostile to the gospel.  Serving in such a country could possibly result in the death of myself, my wife and my children.  Would I be willing to do that?  Honestly, right now the answer is no...and that terrifies me.  I should be willing to give up everything for my God, even my own life.  And spreading the gospel of Christ to unreached people should be more important to me than anything...even the lives of my wife and children (see Matthew 10:37).  That's something you'll never hear in a typical, Joel Osteen-style American sermon.  But it's something that we should contemplate.  Would we literally give up everything for Christ?  Or do we idolize our families, children, jobs, comfort, etc. above serving Christ?  I'm trying to get there, but I don't think that I've arrived. 

Please pray for us as we try to figure out how to make the biggest impact for Christ.  I don't want to end up waffling in my faith like I did after that summer camp years ago.  I want to be forever changed and not waste one more moment for my own selfish desires!

Hopefully this blog will be full of stories about how we go about serving Him.